Things you don't want to hear

[Head Mutant]

"We can't find a vein, for some reason, so no anesthesia and we'll just have to take out your wisdom teeth with just novicaine" - My dentist, this morning

[BDC]

"Your midterm will be a take-home that I'll give you on Tuesday. It will be due on Thursday and covers all the material we've covered up to this point."

[Ms. Jellybean]

"We can either watch Braveheart or The Shawshank Redemption today in class..."

[BDC]

On a serious note:

"Christopher Reeve died today..."

[mysteriorockanova]

"Hey man! I know you said that radio could get us off the island, but I did some rerouting on it, and I made a Playstation! Now you could get angry, but we'd both be better off if you tried to make a copy of Grand Theft Auto with this coconut."

[siegeshot]

we want to hire you, but you'll have to cut your hair, get paid half as much, and get half the hours, oh and we dont close till 11 pm. so you'll get out of here by midnight if your lucky, oh and we can call you in the next morning at 6 am if we want.

so do you want the job?

[duckie]

"alright, get to your seats and close your books - we only have 50 minutes to get through this midterm."

- heard in college, not knowing that a test was even coming up. guess that's what happens when you don't read the syllabus, and skip a lot of classes...

[DocD83]

"There is no graded homework and there are no quizzes. Your grade is two midterms and a final. No curve, no grade substitutions, no notesheets--you'll have to memorize what they publish in tables for the benefit of everyone in the world but you."

"This is the easy way to do everything they tried to teach you to do last year."

"This is the collected work of five geniouses over a period of three quarters of a millenium. There will be a test on Tuesday."

"Didn't they teach you how to do this [math problem]? No? That's not surprising. We're always fighting with the math department to teach what we need them to teach. Well anyway, when you've finished that plug the answer into here...."

"Your fish died." (It turns out my catfish were stealing my pleco's food...I thought he was eating well, then he up and died....)

"You're out of vodka."

(I've had a hard couple of weeks.)

[The Batman]

"Drop your pants and bend over." -School nurse

I guess to a second grader those words don't mean much when a schoolmate shoved a pencil into your arse cheek.

[TheLuckyOne]

"Look, it's just... I think we should stop seeing each other. You're just too nice."

(This would, of course, explain why I'm such a jackass now...)

-D

[pfrsue]

Tech support: Your satellite system is definitely down and we can't get anyone out there to fix it until Monday. But don't worry! Your cash register will hold ten batches of credit cards before it runs out of memory.

Me: But it's on batch number seven now, and Monday's two days away!

Tech support: Oh dear....

[loulabelle]

"We're not moving out this weekend, but next weekend."

(My sister, whose room I deperately want).

"You'll NEVER guess how the movie ends."

(my sister says this when I watch movies like Fight Club and Sixth Sense and I end up correctly guessing how the movie ends. Spoilsport.)

Hey The Batman, are you from Australia? I absolutely LOATHE that radio ad on TV.

[TheOogieBoogieMan]

"What are you talking about?...Bob Saget is the funniest man alive! Duh!"

Luckily, no one I know has ever said that. And I hope they never do.

[MrHat]

Pack your bags, you have just been ordered to Iraq

[MarsNeedsTowels]

While boarding an airplane...
"Woah, did anyone else's life just flash before their eyes?"

When asking your date what his/her favourite movies are...
"Exit to Eden."