Tick-isms

[Head Mutant]

Quotes from The Tick that some insane fool compiled:

The Tick caters to no man!
Your plan didn't work; now let's use my plan, brute force!
You can thank my dental hygenest for our untimely aliveness!
Don't you blow your nose at me, Mister! You don't eat crackers in the bed of your future!
Ah Ha! I'll bounce off of that flag pole and flip to safety!
Ah Ha! I'll bounce off that broad, flat surface!Or, maybe not…
Gravity is a harsh mistress.
Yeah, I suck blood all the time…Look! I got a straw right here, pal, you want a demonstration?
You're not going crazy, Arthur, you're going sane in a crazy world!
Hug your destiny Arthur!
Arthur! Get up! The City calls upon her steadfast protectors!
OK Idea Man! What's the big idea?
With luck, our future holds still more dire threats!
Staring out over the city he is sworn to…to…start out over!
I will suppress my every urge!
I never knew I could learn so much…now just to retain it!
Fireworks? Extinction? Keen!
Ohhh!!! The Stink of it!
Dot! you look lovely tonight! Your hair is like a halo of mouse-brown fire!
The mustache of a titan!
Arthur! fight that wild hair!
You can't chew me away!
OH beware the other head of science, Arthur! It bites!
Come on, Arthur! Live a Little! The night is young and we have umbrellas in our drinks!
What could go wrong in a swell place like the Evil Eye?
Eew - Slimy!
A day job! In an office! My worst nightmare! Noooooo!!!!!
I am besmirched!
Yeast Devil! Back to the oven that baked you!
Musn't succumb to rapture of the bread!
Good show, Arthur! You've given me another shot at this thing called life!
Arthur! Puppy!
Details, Arthur! You're obsessing again…
Not baked goods, professor…Baked Bads!
Ah…50 seconds to defuse a loaf of bread…not good!
Breadmaster! Your culinary crimewave has crashed against the shores of justice!
Chef of chicanery…your buns are mine!
More thinking! We are well challenged, small friend!
I'm betting I'm just abnormal enough to survive!
The city looks almost peaceful under a blanket of freshly fallen soufle.
Okay, Cactci! What are ya' up to? What's goin' on? Give me the skinny!
That's a violation of your airspace!
Gimme that stick, petal head!
I feel funky…monkey funky!
I hate broccoli…and yet, in a certain sense, I AM broccoli.
Villains always have antidotes…they're funny that way.
Listen, I don't have time for any of this villain banter!
Ooh, plane ride!
You know, when a tomato grows out of your forehead, it gets you thinking. What do we know about anything? Life is just a big, wild, crazy, tossed salad. But you don't eat it, no sir, you live it! Isn't it great?
The boots of evil were made for walkin'
We are a justice sandwich!
Oh, the cameraderie!
Hey Big Shot! My favorite emotionally unbalanced gun toting vigilante!
I am that jerk!
Don't count your weasels before they pop, dink!
I can't lose my name…it's on all my stationary!
Well, all this and a villain too!
Ewww…mucus…the scourge of mankind!
Empires have fallen at the foot of this pox!
So, foul gelatin, you would do battle with the nose of your birth?!
I don't know the meaning of the word surrender! I mean, I know it, I'm not dumb…just not in this context...
Mucal invader! Is there no end to your oozing?
This looks like a job for…legal tender!
Being here is a lot like being lost, Arthur.
We merely need to find the proper here and microwaves will follow.
Off to find the elusive here, chum!
Put the moon back, demon waif!
Well, if reinforcing family values is my fault, I guess my supershoulders can take the burden!
No thanks; we've got all the government we need!
It's [the water] a little sharky, but it's OK once you get used to it…
Hang ten for justice!
Ah, savory cheese puffs; made inedible by time and fate
I won't hesitate to forsake species for combat!
You know, I think somebody could get out through these bars!
Hey! You're the guy who made my head hot!
Well, publicist man! Looks like you'll have to find yourself another supermodel to exploit!
It's starting to smell a little like danger in here.
My mind is a scary place!
No more midgets!
It was clear! Except for stuff…
OK people, important note, DO NOT touch the nose!
Must be all that I can be!
Spoon!
Destiny has her hand on my back, and she's pushing!
Arthur? Arthur…oh, yes! I used to have a sidekick named Arthur! But he sidekicked me out of the apartment!
Destiny, Destiny, what would you have of me!
Villains, I say to you stop your evil ways!
I don't think that puppet will give us any more trouble, chum.
Evil is just plain bad!
Once again we see that slime does not pay!
Don't ever try to swim against the mighty tide of justice!
But Arthur…Evil!
Evildoers! Eat my justice!
Arthur! Carmalita! Look Out! Runaway Whale!
This is one small step for The Tick, and one giant step for…say…a little bug! or some guy who has been shrunk to the size of a penny!
I'm watching you too world!
Jetpack…Slick!
Into the belly of the Moon!
And now, SpaceTick soars into history!
Man a guy could get really bored out here…
Space HURTS!
Yep! You got a planet stuck in your ear!
You're not going to eat MY planet, mister!
I've been the janitor to the apocalypse for two long months, Arthur, and it's a comin' this way!
He's all the way up to the Dewey Bridge! oh, man, that was the best bridge!
And Arthur! you were going to eat Arthur!
Quit eating all my stuff!!!
I'm a far out space Tick!
Villains, I say to you now, Knock off all that Evil!
Villain love goddess, you toy with the hearts of men!
When evil sees a twin headed Arthur powered flying engine of justice barreling down upon it, great will be its trembling!
Hey! You splattered my sidekick all over your windshield!
All right! This is quite a pickle, but no reason to panic, Arthur
We don't have hands; we can't possibly comply with their demands!
Remember, we're unarmed!
Don't make us bite you in hard to reach places!
Unhand my hands, you mechanized menace!
You know, Arthur, when Evil is afoot and you don't have any arms, you gotta use your head. And when Evil is ahead, and you're behind, you've gotta do the legwork! But, when you can't get a leg up, you gotta be hip! you gotta keep your chin up and kick some...
You love me…I love you not!
We must find that foul flora!
Hmmm….this is one of those thinking problems, isn't it?
Vile vine! now, maybe you'll think twice before you eat another human being!
Follow that allergy!
You're saying we have to find the fiend before we can use the fiend finder? What a ripoff!
Mad Nanny! If you harm a hair on this greasy spoon's head you'll have The Tick to answer to!
Lady…you just toasted the best BLT joint in the tri-state area; prepare to pick up the tab!
Iron Maiden! Don't make me…
Archenemy? You must be joking, Charles. I mean I don't like you and everyhting, but if I ever do have an archenemy it's not going to be some creepy little brat with a glass head!
You know, Charles, sometimes when I'm feeling like a raging dingdong, I find a nice camomile tea!
Oh, a shrinking ray! Never seen that before!
Your fun is finished, viscious little dweeb!
Evil has been rousted and the babysitter's been paid! Come heroes, our work here is done. You know, even though today was the worst day of my life, I learned many things. First, the world looks a lot different when you're six inches tall and covered with feathers. Second, two heads are definitely not better than one! And finally, you can lay an egg and still feel like a man!
So, Vince; what's it like being a genius. I mean I know you're smart and all but all that thinking…doesn't it hurt?
Vince; in the renaissance, how big were the dinosaurs?
Fashion victims, you've crashed the wrong party!
I'm Flying! I swoop! I soar! The city laps at my heels like a grateful puppy! I am the eagle king of all I survey! I am become Shiva, Destroyer of Worlds!
Someone left the cake out in the rain…
Be reasonable; you can't destroy everything! Where would you sit?
You had your little fun…now it's time to go to jail!
You know, I've heard that the smarter you are the wrinklier your brain; and your guys brains must be the wrinkliest! Oh, sure, ordinary Joes like me and Arthur here, maybe our brains are a little on the smooth side, but you don't have to be a genius to know that Evil is Bad! And Good…isn't!
I didn't realize furniture technology had made such great strides.
Rogue loveseat! You face the Tick!
Pack it in, Ottoman! You've heisted your last highboy!
Falling in love with a supervillain is trouble with a capital Troub!
There'll be no justice of peace for you, just a piece of justice!
I'm to be addressed as Duchess!
Oh, look, Arthur! It's a completely rehabilitated villain. She's comfortable with herself. Comfort, commitment, marriage…what do these things have in common? The letter "C"…except for marriage. And if people get all British when they get knocked on the head…what do British people get? I know; comatose! Another "C"!
I'm sure millions of viewers are out there just wondering what it's like to wear the tights of justice…well, it's tingly. It's uncomfortable, but it gets the job done.
Arthur informs me with his watch that evil will wait not a second longer!
Everybody into the pool!

[Head Mutant]

Close call, huh. Here's a little tip; leap BEFORE you look!
Next time evil tries to catch us with our pants down, they'll get a face full of kitchen!
ARTHUR! HONK IF YOU LOVE JUSTICE!
Normally the lulls don't bunch up like this…
Deadly Bulb! I'm about to write you a reality check! Or would you prefer the cold, hard cash of truth?
I'll bet my bottom dollar that four story lightbulb has something to do with the Deadly Bulb.
Roof Pig! Most Unexpected!
I got me a celestial body now!
Oh, look, a little lumpy white planet! It's a chatty misshapen thing devoid of life, but I will breathe my warmth upon it…
Crime has a bossonova beat.
Evil's out there making hand-crafted mischief for the swapmeet of villainy!
It started as a great day. No, a super day, perfect in every way; well, nigh-perfect really.
You know why supervillains are so unhappy, Arthur? They don't treasure the little things.
Hey! You in the pumps! I say to you, stop being bad!
So, bad lady, fate has put a dead end to your anarchy dabbling!
My mind has always been my Achilles heel!
Sanity, you're a madman!
Isn't sanity really just a one trick pony, anyway? I mean, all you get is one trick, rational thinking! But when you're good and crazy…ooh hoo hoo hoo…the sky's the limit!
Arthur! There's only 172,800 shopping seconds 'til Christmas!!! Ooh; there goes another one!
Arthur…the cops are after Santa! There must be some mistake!
Santa…what happened? What's going down?
He's jolly!
We fried Santa!
There won't be anymore Christmas; we fried Santa.
Wait a minute…I've heard about people like you…are you saying; you don't believe in Santa Claus?!!!
So many Santas! I just can't get my mind around it!
No!!! I just can't hit Santa!
Odds are it wasn't the real Santa, but how can you ever be sure? (Die Fledermaus) Here's a clue; if he jumps and kicks you in the stomach, it's probably not Santa!
Tick, I love ya like a son! You've kept the faith longer than any sane adult could!
These Multiple Santas are cagey prey!
It's a Yule Tide!!!
Like a great blue salmon of justice, the mighty Tick courses upstream to the very spawning grounds of Evil!
Their Achilles heel is the noogie!
Lowly wretch! This is the last time you make epic naughty in Santa threads!
You guys haven't done this much, have you?
Oh, Hey Arthur! Lookee! I'm being abducted by space aliens!
Let the probing begin!
Whip out those weird instruments of science and probe away!
You guys don't have a clue, do you?
You guys are ugly with a capital UGH!
OH, man, that's the pits!
Science, Boring! Interest Fading!
We're going to save the Universe!
It's going to be boss!
Let me get this straight. You want us to go into the mouth of a black hole, confront the entire population of Hey, and steal or destroy their doomsday device…Piece of cake!
Hey, we've got those on Earth! We hit them into little pockets with sticks! and we got higher numbers, too.
Well, come on, uglies; how do we spur this iron space-pony on?
Your ship runs on fear? Wiggy!
Here, try Arthur! He's an anxious little dude!
Take it easy, man; it's just a sandwich!
Must defy laws of physics!
And because I destroyed their most devastating weapon, which turned out to be pretty lame, the entire population began to worship me, like unto a god!
Free Money!!!
OK Jack; this little minnow's been playin' hooky; any idea where it goes to school?
Come on pretty fruit; bring it home to daddy!
Only one quarter left; I think that qualifies as an emergency…
So Arthur; those wings of yours are pretty nice; what do you think they'd be worth?
My middle name used to be "helping people"! The Helping People Tick!
You know, for a lovable dolphin, he's pretty hostile.
Science in those days worked in broad strokes! They got right to the point! Nowadays it's always molecule, molecule, molecule…
Put those felons back where you found them, you geriatric jerk!
You and me, mono a mono with the greatest criminal mind of the 20th century…and even part of the 19th, I think!
Not so fast, wrinkly wrongdoer! You face The Tick!
Rugged, self-assured, adult…these are the words who describe a man who wears a mustache.
Eyes playing tricks like tiny round devils!
Arthur! My mustache is touching my brain!!!
The unholy fiend pollinated my rental tux!
I got a bun in the oven and it's about to blow!
Now Neil's gonna have to rent his tux from Mr. Freaky Big!
No time for sanity, chum!
Step on it, chum…and don't spare the mucus!
Love is thicker than most bodily membranes, but less sticky!
The Aztecs stole my sidekick!
Y you're so…you're so…Not Arthur!!! You dress like Arthur…oh yeah! You're soft like Arthur…but you curve in all the wrong places!
I'll call you Speak…because that's what you do.
Sun worshipping dog launchers…you face the Tick! and his dog…Speak!
Boulder Hazard!
Snake Hazard!
And what have we learned about Aztecs? Well, nothing, really…
Uh, Arthur…did we order a baby?
Arthur…we're a daddy!
Babies are just little people…minus the teeth.
Everything seems so much brighter through the corrective lenses of fatherhood!
This hurts me more than it hurts you!
I can forgive you for trying to take over the world, but not for stealing my heart!
A ha ha; chess! The ancient contest of wits! Two opponents, mano-a-mano; braino-a-braino! And look! Magnets for ease of travel! Why, you could play chess on the moon!
We're not afraid to get our hands dirty…how bad could it be?
Talk about living high on a low hog!
Man, you are so cool down here!
You heard the man…just lather up!
Um…Spoon?
Was that it? Was that the big fight? Are we done yet?
Arthur, we may be out of our element, but we aren't out of our league!
Sultan of Sludge, I'm putting an end to your pipe dreams!
Yeah, Lou, it's people like you that give filth a bad name!
You can't judge a sewer by its manhole cover! No, sir, people can be very different under the surface than they might seem…quite, mild mannered souls just might turn out to be roaring lions of two-fisted cool! And roaring lions of two-fisted cool just might have some crippling Lobster problems! Listen man, it's all crazy down there under the surface! A lost wallet could bite you in half! A bar of soap could save your life…and…egad! A disgusting mound of muck might have some very compelling ideas! Do you dig my ditch?
Come on boy, dig my love!
Special Delivery! Oh, Arthur! The thrill of modern postism!
Unhand him, gingerfiends!
Ooh Hoo! My first day on the continent and already I've got an archenemy!
Majesty Snatchers! Unhand that highness!
Let's see how you fare against two bits of flat, shiny America!
Come on, man! Make the four-lipped butterfly!
Egad, man! What's the point!
I'm an Arthurnaut!
Man, how dumb are you…trying to be all villainy right under the nose of the mighty Tick!
Boy, you're a fragile little thing, aren't you, Arthur?
Put that thing away, wiggy tongue man!
He's probably out joyriding in my sleek chassis!
Every citadel of justice should have its spans as spic as we do.
The apartment lies clean; soft underbelly exposed…vulnerable; who can tell where dirty will strike next!
Arthur! Monkey out of nowhere!
Don't move Arthur…it's got a timer…it must be some kind of…Monkey bomb!
So this is what kingdom come is like.
Good heavens, Arthur! He means to peal you like a grape!
Let me make this plain, herbivore! Arthur is neither vegetable nor fruit!
Well, it WAS a time machine, chum…
Sabertooth Tiger…you face the Tick! The world's first superhero!
Unhand me, metallic miscreant!
The ancient cave bear, battling its natural enemy, the robot…
Quit yanking my food chain!
Shouldn't be hard to spot a monkey in this barrel.
Why, we've just spent six months 3 and a half million years ago in the time it takes to soft boil an egg!
Arthur, the fourth dimension is just one big crazy do not enter clambake of wierdity! and how does it work? Never you mind!
Evil…if you're going to be a superhero, there's your problem in a nutshell. Evil, gathering like lint in the navel of the body public. Evil! Making vile and hasty and dark works like termites pushing their wretched larva through the veins of that mighty oak tree we call…Clean Living! And it's up to you, superheroes of the future to hand the tire swing of nice-nice from the highest branches and swing for justice!
OK, here are the ABC's of being a superhero. A is for Action. B and C are for Battlecry.
We don't aim our secret superpower weapons at other superheroes!
Ice criminal! No one attacks an ice cream truck on the Tick's beat!
Ice cream headache!
There you go! One of the sidekicks most important jobs is to keep the superhero in touch with reality.
I myself don't know much.

[Uber]

Now if only they would release the Tick cartoon series to DVD...

[TheLuckyOne]

That's great! (And, of course, being anal retentive, I have to correct the only one I noticed as being wrong. It's:

"Aha! I'll bounce off that flagpole and flip to safety!" *SNAP* "Aha! I'll bounce off that broad, flat surface and be in a lot of pain!" *CRASH* "YEEOUCH!")

Gotta love the spoofing of the 80's ninja obsession, too.

"Ninjas? That's nothing to be scared of! Why, they're more afraid of you than you are of them!"

And of course, "I'm going to throw a chimney at them."

Even the ninjas themselves were pretty funny. "We are a shrub. Move along."

Still, the best Tick quote EVER was that one from the live-action show:

"No moleste! No moleste!"

HA! Oh man, that one cracked up an entire busload of swimmers. A good show, cancelled far, far too soon.

-D, remembering the early days when the Tick was slightly less insane, but more homophobic...

"Well this is just unacceptable, Arthur. I mean, you ask to be my sidekick, you bring me back to your apartment, and... and..." *suddenly has a thought* "Say, Arthur... ah, I don't mean to be rude, but you're not, er... funny, are you?"
"Funny? What do you mean? I'm... oh! Oh no, no, I'm not... you know... funny."
"Well good... good. I mean, superheroes shouldn't be... you know..."
"...funny."
"Right."
*uncomfortable silence*
"We'd better go drink some beers."
"Yes! Manly beers!"

[PoolMan]

The best part is that if you read every other line, it's JUST like one of Kyle's reviews!