Post by Hucklebubba on Mar 27, 2005 1:31:48 GMT -5
I feel I can say, with reasonable assurance, that every single person in existence loves online quizzes more than anything, and wants to be taking them all the time.
For many moons now, I have longed to join the elite silly cadre of online quiz-makers. Now, my dream has finally come true. I call it:
The" Which Fighting Game Archetype Are You?"
. . .quiz.
Unfortunately, as a result of the limitations of the medium, it's only one question long, and you have to go hunting for your results rather than having them given directly to you in a fancy way.
So, here goes. One question. Pick your answer, then scroll down and look for the corresponding result to find out how you is. Be ye warned, there's a good chance you'll get an answer which is not congruous with your gender. If this happens, I'm afraid you'll just have to get a sex change.
I put considerable effort into this, so you'd better laugh lots of times.
You're walking down the street, doing what you do, when an attacker jumps out of nowhere! He even has a Nowhere driver's license to prove it! How do you defeat him?
1. With surprising alacrity.
2. With smooth rhythm.
3. With flash and style for the ladies.
4. Kicking and screaming will most certainly be involved.
5. Quietly, and with honor.
6. Quickly, and with jiggling.
7. Contortion and acid farts!
8. Maybe I frighten him away with my huge lats, which keep me from lowering my arms completely, da?
9. Kill him dead.
1. Congratulations! You're the Deadly Old Man!
Be ye diminutive, hobbled, and kindly, or diminutive, hobbled, and stern, you'll find that no one will take you seriously until you unexpectedly punch a hole through them.
You never have to worry about being at a lack for morons who say, "Ha ha! You're just an old man is what you are!" No matter how many of them you make pretzels out of, there will always be more.
Kung Fu and its sub-categories make up the preferred martial arts set for dangerous patriarchs the world over.
Signature Move: Whipper Snapper
2. Congratulations! You're the Obligatory Capoierista!
Hey. 1999 called. It wants its fad fighting style back.
The bright side: You jump around with a great deal of jive and randomosity, and you get to be vaguely Jamaican, even though Capoiera originates from Brazil.
The dim side: The novelty of your ridiculous monkey dance of a martial art has long since worn off, your overall popularity has taken a flaming nose dive since the turn of the millenium, meaning that a character occupying your archetype is no longer required to appear in every new videogame produced, (up to and including golf simulations) and you frequently get wailed by people who throw simple punches in a non-stupid way.
It isn't too late to pick another answer.
Signature Move: Getting the Crap Beat Out of You
3. Congratulations! You're Captain Cocky!
Sometimes you're a Ryu Clone derivative, sometimes you're unique. Sometimes you have actual skill to back up your abrasive boasting, sometimes you're an absurd, feckless walking joke. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.
You're probably blond(e), and you're most certainly American. Because America has evidently been agreed upon as the residence of all arrogant obnoxious folks.
Overall, your only real disadvantage is that the only people who can stand being around you are the members of your fawning bimbo entourage, and that comes mainly as a result of them all being dumb. But that's okay. As long as you have you, you'll get by.
Signature Move: Flashy Lady Pleaser with Extra Hubris
4. Congratulations! You're the Do Dude!
Regardless of which you prefer--Jeet Kune or Tae Kwon--the fact remains that you likes your kicks a whole lot, and you feel strangely compelled to accompany your every action--from throwing a punch to picking your nose--with boisterous exultations. The aforementioned range in intensity from a brief sort of yelping chirp, (for quick strikes) to a drawn out shrieky howl of the sort normally illicited by a cold toilet seat. (for the across-the-room flying kick)
You irritate the Speedy Ninja Girl, because you're almost as quick as she is, but like, way louder.
Signature Move: HEEOWAAAAA!! (Violently Trembling Backfist)
5. Congratulations! You're a Ryu Clone!
As the stoic practitioner of a non-specific Karate-esque martial art involving fireballs, you get to take center stage as the uninteresting main character in pretty much every fighting game ever made.
You don't say much, and you divide your time evenly between fighting, training, and walking off into the sunset toward your next bout of fighting or training. Somehow, this makes you very honorable. Oh so honorable you are.
You're also entitled by fighting game law to the possession of a projectile attack, a flying uppercut, and some sort of horizontally-traveling kick, possibly spinny. All of these will have fancy Japanese names which sound nothing like how they look on paper.
Signature Move: Hyper Super Goo Gee Punch Kick
6. Congratulations! You're the Speedy Ninja Girl!
Armed with an inexhaustible supply of throwing stars, a disproportionately large sproingy bosom, and a minimalist costume that shouldn't be able to hold either, you fear nothing. Except being hit, that is. Like, at all. Because it generally doesn't take more than one or two solid connections to send you to the canvas.
Fortunately, your lack of staying power is more than offset by your advantages. One, you're galdanged quick. Two, you have enormous yabbos that you're only mildly interested in keeping covered. Which, admittedly, is more of an advantage for other people. Must it always be about you?
Signature Move: Forward Handspring Frankensteiner (AKA "The Happy Face")
7. Congratulations! You're the Failed Biological Experiment!
Go forth, and use your freakishness to make the world a better place! Seek out the neglected, the outcast, the hurting, and embrace them all with your stretchy arms! Take care of the litter problem at the city park with the aid of the ravenous tentacle-beasts that live on your back! Renovate grand old houses by way of your collection of bodily-integrated power tools! Use the noxious gases that you exude naturally to. . .I don't know, make people pass out, or something! The possibilities are endless!
Signature Move: Not sure, but I'd wager it's disgusting.
8. Congratulations! You're the Burly Russian!
Boy, do you ever love to flex. In fact, you love to flex almost as much as you love being compared to a bear. And you love being compared to a bear almost as much as you love beating up on bears. However, you don't love any of these things nearly as much as you love your vast repertoire of pro-wrestling moves, many of which require button combinations far too complicated to be practical.
With your near-invulnerable degree of stamina, and your measured-on-a-calendar movement speed, you are essentially the diametric opposite of the Speedy Ninja Girl. (Despite the fact that your boobs are just as big, if not bigger) This means that the two of you will mostly likely end up having your own sit-com. It will be called Sergei & Uriko, and the whole world will fall in love with you.
Signature Move: Final Gigantimo Pile-Bomb 5000
9. Congratulations! You're the Tortured Ex-Soldier!
The good news is, you're both fast and strong. The bad news is, you have a Grade A checkered past, featuring the at-the-hands-of-someone-evil death of your best friend, your kitty cat, your prized '67 GTO, your entire family, and everyone whom you or they have ever so much as greeted in passing.
You will generally either be a) on the trail of the previously mentioned evil individual, whereupon you have to fight a bunch of strangers for no reason, or b) entering fighting tournaments for the money and the heck of it, and finding out that the evil person is overseeing the most recently-entered one, no doubt with a concealed evil machination or two. Understandably, you decide to make him stop living.
In terms of fighting style, you rely on ambiguous military martial arts which center around nasty-looking bone-breaking holds. Sometimes, you like to meet the Ryu Clone at Starbuck's for some lattes and a complete lack of talking.
Signature Move: Head Ripper-Offer
For many moons now, I have longed to join the elite silly cadre of online quiz-makers. Now, my dream has finally come true. I call it:
The" Which Fighting Game Archetype Are You?"
. . .quiz.
Unfortunately, as a result of the limitations of the medium, it's only one question long, and you have to go hunting for your results rather than having them given directly to you in a fancy way.
So, here goes. One question. Pick your answer, then scroll down and look for the corresponding result to find out how you is. Be ye warned, there's a good chance you'll get an answer which is not congruous with your gender. If this happens, I'm afraid you'll just have to get a sex change.
I put considerable effort into this, so you'd better laugh lots of times.
You're walking down the street, doing what you do, when an attacker jumps out of nowhere! He even has a Nowhere driver's license to prove it! How do you defeat him?
1. With surprising alacrity.
2. With smooth rhythm.
3. With flash and style for the ladies.
4. Kicking and screaming will most certainly be involved.
5. Quietly, and with honor.
6. Quickly, and with jiggling.
7. Contortion and acid farts!
8. Maybe I frighten him away with my huge lats, which keep me from lowering my arms completely, da?
9. Kill him dead.
1. Congratulations! You're the Deadly Old Man!
Be ye diminutive, hobbled, and kindly, or diminutive, hobbled, and stern, you'll find that no one will take you seriously until you unexpectedly punch a hole through them.
You never have to worry about being at a lack for morons who say, "Ha ha! You're just an old man is what you are!" No matter how many of them you make pretzels out of, there will always be more.
Kung Fu and its sub-categories make up the preferred martial arts set for dangerous patriarchs the world over.
Signature Move: Whipper Snapper
2. Congratulations! You're the Obligatory Capoierista!
Hey. 1999 called. It wants its fad fighting style back.
The bright side: You jump around with a great deal of jive and randomosity, and you get to be vaguely Jamaican, even though Capoiera originates from Brazil.
The dim side: The novelty of your ridiculous monkey dance of a martial art has long since worn off, your overall popularity has taken a flaming nose dive since the turn of the millenium, meaning that a character occupying your archetype is no longer required to appear in every new videogame produced, (up to and including golf simulations) and you frequently get wailed by people who throw simple punches in a non-stupid way.
It isn't too late to pick another answer.
Signature Move: Getting the Crap Beat Out of You
3. Congratulations! You're Captain Cocky!
Sometimes you're a Ryu Clone derivative, sometimes you're unique. Sometimes you have actual skill to back up your abrasive boasting, sometimes you're an absurd, feckless walking joke. Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't.
You're probably blond(e), and you're most certainly American. Because America has evidently been agreed upon as the residence of all arrogant obnoxious folks.
Overall, your only real disadvantage is that the only people who can stand being around you are the members of your fawning bimbo entourage, and that comes mainly as a result of them all being dumb. But that's okay. As long as you have you, you'll get by.
Signature Move: Flashy Lady Pleaser with Extra Hubris
4. Congratulations! You're the Do Dude!
Regardless of which you prefer--Jeet Kune or Tae Kwon--the fact remains that you likes your kicks a whole lot, and you feel strangely compelled to accompany your every action--from throwing a punch to picking your nose--with boisterous exultations. The aforementioned range in intensity from a brief sort of yelping chirp, (for quick strikes) to a drawn out shrieky howl of the sort normally illicited by a cold toilet seat. (for the across-the-room flying kick)
You irritate the Speedy Ninja Girl, because you're almost as quick as she is, but like, way louder.
Signature Move: HEEOWAAAAA!! (Violently Trembling Backfist)
5. Congratulations! You're a Ryu Clone!
As the stoic practitioner of a non-specific Karate-esque martial art involving fireballs, you get to take center stage as the uninteresting main character in pretty much every fighting game ever made.
You don't say much, and you divide your time evenly between fighting, training, and walking off into the sunset toward your next bout of fighting or training. Somehow, this makes you very honorable. Oh so honorable you are.
You're also entitled by fighting game law to the possession of a projectile attack, a flying uppercut, and some sort of horizontally-traveling kick, possibly spinny. All of these will have fancy Japanese names which sound nothing like how they look on paper.
Signature Move: Hyper Super Goo Gee Punch Kick
6. Congratulations! You're the Speedy Ninja Girl!
Armed with an inexhaustible supply of throwing stars, a disproportionately large sproingy bosom, and a minimalist costume that shouldn't be able to hold either, you fear nothing. Except being hit, that is. Like, at all. Because it generally doesn't take more than one or two solid connections to send you to the canvas.
Fortunately, your lack of staying power is more than offset by your advantages. One, you're galdanged quick. Two, you have enormous yabbos that you're only mildly interested in keeping covered. Which, admittedly, is more of an advantage for other people. Must it always be about you?
Signature Move: Forward Handspring Frankensteiner (AKA "The Happy Face")
7. Congratulations! You're the Failed Biological Experiment!
Go forth, and use your freakishness to make the world a better place! Seek out the neglected, the outcast, the hurting, and embrace them all with your stretchy arms! Take care of the litter problem at the city park with the aid of the ravenous tentacle-beasts that live on your back! Renovate grand old houses by way of your collection of bodily-integrated power tools! Use the noxious gases that you exude naturally to. . .I don't know, make people pass out, or something! The possibilities are endless!
Signature Move: Not sure, but I'd wager it's disgusting.
8. Congratulations! You're the Burly Russian!
Boy, do you ever love to flex. In fact, you love to flex almost as much as you love being compared to a bear. And you love being compared to a bear almost as much as you love beating up on bears. However, you don't love any of these things nearly as much as you love your vast repertoire of pro-wrestling moves, many of which require button combinations far too complicated to be practical.
With your near-invulnerable degree of stamina, and your measured-on-a-calendar movement speed, you are essentially the diametric opposite of the Speedy Ninja Girl. (Despite the fact that your boobs are just as big, if not bigger) This means that the two of you will mostly likely end up having your own sit-com. It will be called Sergei & Uriko, and the whole world will fall in love with you.
Signature Move: Final Gigantimo Pile-Bomb 5000
9. Congratulations! You're the Tortured Ex-Soldier!
The good news is, you're both fast and strong. The bad news is, you have a Grade A checkered past, featuring the at-the-hands-of-someone-evil death of your best friend, your kitty cat, your prized '67 GTO, your entire family, and everyone whom you or they have ever so much as greeted in passing.
You will generally either be a) on the trail of the previously mentioned evil individual, whereupon you have to fight a bunch of strangers for no reason, or b) entering fighting tournaments for the money and the heck of it, and finding out that the evil person is overseeing the most recently-entered one, no doubt with a concealed evil machination or two. Understandably, you decide to make him stop living.
In terms of fighting style, you rely on ambiguous military martial arts which center around nasty-looking bone-breaking holds. Sometimes, you like to meet the Ryu Clone at Starbuck's for some lattes and a complete lack of talking.
Signature Move: Head Ripper-Offer
