WORST games of all

[starwenn]

Friday the 13th for the original Nintendo. I'm not a video game fan, and even I remember how crappy that game was. The graphics looked like someone's buddy did it in his basement, and even my horror-crazy sister got through it in less than an hour and was bored.

[eurotrashman]

famousmortimer said:

"The Young Ones" for the Commodore 64. British anarchic TV show translated into a game that looked a little, a little, like "Little Computer People". The music was broken, and produced a high-pitched screech throughout the game. The characters were effectively uncontrollable and the purpose of the game remains unknown.

I don't want to defend the people who made this game, and I never played it, but wouldn't it be true to the spirit of The Young Ones to make a video game without a purpose

[sirgallahad2]

They made a game about "The Young ones"??

[CheshireKat]

staropal said:

And naked male cartwheeling. Can't forget the naked cartwheeling.

Aaaaand...I'm officially never playing Metal Gear. Ever.

Any of you guys ever played Burn Cycle? A pseudo blade runner style point-and-click game with horrendous live acting and a story directly ripping off every Gibson novel you've ever read.

Sample of an actual line of dialog from the game:

"My thoughts are my children. They may not be the children of my loins, but they are the children of my brain."

Towards the end of the game the main character, a male, actually TURNS INTO A WOMAN! When the game ends, you're still a chick. You never go back. I needed therapy.

[TheLuckyOne]

cheshirekat said:

Aaaaand...I'm officially never playing Metal Gear. Ever.

Heh. Don't deprive yourself of the awesomeness that is MGS1 just to avoid naked Raiden... that part was only in #2, which nobody understood anyway. (And it IS kind of funny to control a character who's shuffling around, both hands over his package.)

cheshirekat said:

Towards the end of the game the main character, a male, actually TURNS INTO A WOMAN! When the game ends, you're still a chick. You never go back.

We had that back in the day too, but back then we called it "Metroid"...

-D

[Rett Mikhal]

I think sequels can make some of the worst game fare because they stab you. They stab you in the heart with a super oxidized kukri with a serrated edge.

Deus Ex 2 is, as mentioned, an abomination compared to the first one. The whole feel is clunky and awkward and you don't feel like a cool super agent android at all. I could go on and on, but I'll refrain... for now...

The worst sequel that I ever played is not only one of the worst games I ever played, but also a sequel to one of my favorites, and is strangely regarded as a generally 'good' game! Ghost Recon.. 2.... my ARCH NEMESIS. I already have a pre-written review of Ghost Recon 2 that I keep on my desktop so I can quickly reach to it if I EVER feel the need to play it again. I'm working on a way to put this review into an aerosol spray that I can inject into my house's heating system to keep my brain nice and Ghost Recon 2 FREE.

Multiplayer: My freaking god. Every single stupid mistake they could have made in this, they made. Some maps have multiple spawn points, where others only have one per team. Well guess what happens when you give a bunch of kids guns and one spawn point: Spawn camping. Lots. And. Lots. The fact you can't fire your gun for 5 seconds, AND you're NOT invincible for those 5 seconds, makes for some FUN TIMES MAN WHOO.



People rave over 'new modes' like 'fire fight' and 'recon'. Those were in the original, if you took more than 5 seconds out of shooting stuff in the campaign you would have found it. My favorite is when they mention 'target' as this new and incredibly original idea. Do you know how many games have used the idea of 'target' before? I was playing 'Target' in Perfect Dark, c'mon now.



Secondly, and this is just the stupidest thing ever, but it takes no less than 15 minutes to load a list of games. If you cancel, it doesn't bring up the ones its already found and you didn’t join, it cancels and deletes that list. If you attempt to join and the game is no longer available (very likely because it's so slow) the list has to load AGAIN. You can't just go back to the list, NO, NO GOD NO, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?! It took an hour to find my FIRST multiplayer game. At least you get to watch a small FMV of a bunch of generals laughing as their pawns die while you wait. Ah, what a laugh that battle was, eh?



When you select your friends list, you have one option: Remove friend. No where is there an option to invite friend to a game. Sorry, buddy.



Controls: Major, major problems, people. Firstly switching from your gun to your secondary gun or grenades takes FOREVER. Longer than it takes to reload your main weapon! So why would you even use it? The only excuse is if you are out of ammo, which is quite hard, especially now that they've idiot-proofed the game with random boxes of ammo that magically fits every gun ever scattered across the levels. Did I mention if you hit the button to switch to your pistol by accident, you're completely screwed? Better not have a random impulse to push that button when the enemy overruns your position!



Every Ghost also has a completely impossible to aim bazooka. You can literally sit there for hours clicking the trigger and it will not fire, the crosshairs need to be in perfect alignment and that takes forever, even when standing, at which case you'll be dead in 1/100 the time it takes to fire that stupid bazooka. Magical ammo bullets of course refill this weapon too, it must be nano-augmented or something. Wonder bullet powers, activate!



Single Player: Ghost Recon was unique, stylish, and at times genius. You controlled two squads of six men (three each) that could separate, link up, cover each other, etc. You could also switch to any six of them on the fly. It was very cool. Here, they thought six was an uncountable number by the average gamer and reduced it to three, two of which you cannot play as and get hit. A lot. At least they won't run out of ammo because even if you can utilize the 3 whole commands (forward, left... right... wow.) they still won't do anything, or signify they have done anything. Ghost Recon the first used a simple but effective map system, sometimes linked with a quick-move icon to make your men move ahead of you. Ghost Recon 2 liked that idea, so much that they kidnapped it and raped it to the point it no longer functions. No matter how many times you say flank left, they'll just sit there, and there's no icon to show you've done it properly, even when you call in an airstrike. The airstrikes are actually weapons, not commands, in the vein of NES games you can only use them once, on special targets. Instead of, say, absolutely anywhere. Some people might say: "THAT'D B3 CH43P!" But isn't this supposed to be a realistic military shooter? In real-life there are such things as air-strikes. This is apparently so realistic they even have military budgets and can only afford one air strike on a pre-determined shanty! I continue to spell 'airstrike' in different ways in the same vein of the game.



The missions are hard for the wrong reasons. Enemies only seem to shoot at you, and I've confirmed this, as the only time my guys got wounded were when they were standing in FRONT of me. If you die, it's game over. Why can't you lose this one guy, Mitchel? Does his kid cure AIDS or something? People die in war, you should be able to move on without him. But in the dumbing down of GR, the list of characters has gone from 30+ to 3. Three guys are gonna take over Korea. Yep. You don't unlock anyone, which was half the fun in Ghost Recon. You don't connect with any of them cause they suck and never save your life, and you can't play as them. It just boogles my mind that they did this. Generally when sequels come out with less characters than the first people hate them, but no one seems to agree with me on this one.



Remember how slow the pistol switch is? Well get ready for some of the slowest rolling you'll see in your life. If you're prone you can roll, which is a good idea. If you're at an obstacle, you can climb it, a very good idea. Too bad it takes forever. I can't see myself getting shot at and lying next to a trench thinking: "Oh man, I could use my muscles to ever to slightly push myself in the near-direction of that trench and effectively save my life. But is that trench dirty? I bet it's dirty. Probably dirty. Well. I am getting shot at, man this guy has a lot of ammo. Must have a wizard making him ammo. I bet a wizard made that trench. Ok I'm rolling, in 3, 2, wait do I have my snacky smores? Rolling."



People have been saying the new in-game save is a good thing. Well they're wrong to the second power. Firstly, it isn't new, you had a limited save option in Ghost Recon, about 4-5 slots. It was quite annoying to use, and cheap, however. Useful for getting the new shiny weapons. In GR 2, I swear to god I read reviews saying: "You can kill a guy, save, kill a guy, save, die, load! It's the best game ever!!" Did IQs just suddenly drop while I was away?



Story: Lame, lame, super lame! It has all the marines including your main guy telling the story of the battle before hand. They might as well have included a SAFETY HELMET they dumbed this game down so much. Now, they're including walkthroughs, IN THE GAME, that you can't even quit out of! This game has been so soccer-mommed, they actually latch onto your head and glue you to the solution to the puzzle, then cement your feet into the ground so you cannot run. You’ll want to.



It would have been much smarter, and more than a little kick-ass, if it did the news broadcast AFTER the mission, and showed you what you did and applauded or shunned your actions. This would be even more kickass if you or your men could actually die, but that's not the case. Maybe somebody can mod that for Ghost Recon the original.



The acting is just really, really lame. This is supposed to be a war game about Korean wars and warlords. So you have a cheery news anchor tell it? What happened to the ominous narrator, or the briefing voice from before? Those were simple and skimpy, but damn they got the job done!



You may be saying, because I'm comparing this to GR 1 so much, that I should just play GR 1. To that I say even a retarded monkey with no idea what Ghost Recon is would be frustrated with this game. The horrible weapon-switching times, horrendously cheap multiplayer, bugs, glitches, lies and useless crap just make this a horrible, HORRIBLE game. I got this for Christmas and was so psyched, then I played for about 15 minutes and was struggling, STRUGGLING to find a reason for this game to exist.



Sounds, Voices: They suck.



Graphics: Ok. Still suffers from 'grass only grows in random spots and not everywhere at the same time' syndrome. Seriously, there is not one field of grass. Korea must hire blind land mowers. The biggest let down is NO BLOOD. I guess the developer cracked under the pressure and decided to not make a military shooter violent. So now instead of kids seeing blood shoot out of someone's face when they shoot them, they're just going to see them play pretend death. Am I the only one on this planet who isn't a complete retard?



As a stand-alone game, it’s well below sub-par. As a sequel to the great Ghost Recon franchise, it’s a disgrace.


Overall. Just. Terrible.

[eatmyshorts]

wow, that was really long, but Ghost Recon 2 is a terrible game.

[Hucklebubba]

Rett, that was a mighty fine gigantic rant.

As one of only two Bloviators on this board (Philotix being the other one), allow me to be the first to invite you to join our esteemed brotherhood.

You've already qualified by demonstrating a willingness to devote at least one screen-length of post space to a single topic. All that remains is the initiation, which we don't actually have. There are also no ranks, no badges, no benefits, and no dues.

However, you get to experience the joy of constructing unassailable towers of text*, knowing all the while that probability strongly favors no one actually reading them all the way through. Oh, and of course you get to introduce yourself as a Bloviator. And then explain that it has nothing to do with cows or excretory malfunction. It's great!



*Lurking somewhere in the archives is an anime review I had to split into two posts. I'm kind of embarassed by it now, but it did make my Bloviator membership pretty much permanent.

Edit: And when I say "archives" I mean "that thing that we don't have anymore."

[Rett Mikhal]

Badges... we don't need no stinkin' badges.

My friends say I'm good at ranting... they often compare me to the Angry Video Game Nerd.

I mean, seriously, how were you supposed to get up those stairs in NES Ghostbusters? FRIGGEN IMPOSSIBLE.

I accept this membership with great honor.