Post by Hucklebubba on Apr 5, 2007 2:10:39 GMT -5
Okay, technically, two of them are from Hotget.
"Rainbow in the Dark" by Dio
A mousey, neurotic businessman--who is assumed to be a businessman simply because he's mousey and neurotic--in an attempt to find an equally unattractive mate, stalks a random dumpy woman through a town that appears to be one gigantic red light district.
There's some odd visual juxtaposition involving panties and raw steak. Ultimately, a couple of guitarists show up, the woman engages in some delightfully flaccidating gyration, and the businessman, overwhelmed by all of the unbridled homeliness, bites his purse (what?) and flees into the wilderness.
Not surprisingly, none of this has anything to do with the song.
I'm not really much of a Dio fan, but Ronnie himself gets bonus points in my book for a couple of reasons. The first being that he's a fellow member in good standing of the Big-Headed Freaks Club, the other relating to his very considerate tendency to pantomime everything he sings, that the hearing-impaired might also enjoy the video fully.
"Rhythm of Love" by The Scorpions
Fairly straightforward: In keeping with the fine tradition of hard rock and sci-fi relations, The Scorpions swoop in on a spaceship and do a gig for an alien empress. They rock the place so hard, in fact, that her palace explodes. And we all know what that's a metaphor for, don't we? Yeah, probably just an exploding palace.
Here's what I like about this song: "Love" is right there in the title, ergo it is a love song--or, failing that, at least a sex song--but it sounds like it would be equally well-suited as the backdrop for a cage match. Now that's what I call versatility!
One of the more interesting and more blatant lyrics occurs during the second verse. Namely, "Exploding shot of pleasure, is what I've got for you." Except that with Klaus' English-as-a-second-language vocals, it sound like "Exploding Shadow Pleasure." Is that not the Super Special of one of the Darkstalkers characters?
The Scorpions clearly walk a different path versus their more glammy, pretty-boy-having contemporaries, in that Klaus Meine is possibly the second least-handsome man in existence (see the previous example for el numero uno).
CONTENT WARNING: This video contains lots of gratuitous shaking bottoms, and some of them belong to scantily-clad ladies.
"Lay it Down" by Ratt
The video opens on the xth birthday of little Stephen Pearcy, played by the Creepiest Child Alive. Not only does he have a death warmed-over Eddie Munster bug-eyed kind of thing going on, he also has one ginormous melon (One would think that I would feel compassion for big-headed people, but nope!). It isn't so much a matter of total mass in this case as it is front-to-back proportions. He's exactly a half-an-inch shy of being officially classified as a xenomorph.
Anyway, thanks to the inconceivable power of Chucko the Clown's dimension-traversing spinner hat, we get to flash forward and watch grown-up Stephen Pearcy--forest prince extraordinaire--showing off his magical armlet and unbeatable kicking skills. And then we all feel a strange sense of relief when we see him hitting on a girl. He has early prototype Emo hair! And as a bastion of the least-Emo genre of music ever known, no less!
I don't know what the hand gesture that Little Stephen makes at the end is supposed to signify, but I'd wager it isn't appropriate for a child to be doing.
"Looks That Kill" by Motley Crue
Easily the weirdest production of Cats I've ever seen. In other news, I think Motley Crue would've been more popular and stayed popular longer if they had changed it to where every letter of the band's name had an umlaut over it. And in the space between "Motley" and "Crue"? An umlaut. With an umlaut over it. Hot umlaut-on-umlaut action.
Vince and the boys capture some cavewomen, but are temporarily thwarted by the arrival of an amazon warrior princess (heralded by a random tumbleweed), whose hotness is diminished somewhat by the fact that she's not nearly as pretty as three-fourths of the guys in the band (Sorry Mick).
In the ensuing fracas, the amazon fires a pyrotechnic photon charge from her wrist-crossbow at Mick, which is either absorbed by his guitar or misses entirely. Tommy responds with a bad special effect pentragram laser attack. Things catch fire at random.
Then a thrilling chase sequence ensues through the most poorly thought out space cruiser ever; its spiky interior apparently designed for the sole purpose of creating a hazard for its own crew.
Despite excellent wire-aided jumping abilities, amazon lady is ultimately captured and absorbed into the band's collective Motley Cruity--because they weren't already womanly enough--and then the band members themselves fade out and are replaced by, of all things, a flaming pentagram.
Which brings me to my main issue regarding the video: I think it really would've spruced things up some if they could've found a way to squeeze in fifteen to twenty more pentagrams. Seriously, I'm about pentagrammed out. I'm sure that when this video was made they were still ambiguously evil and reliably offensive, but ubiquity has taken its toll in the interim, and now they're just annoying. (Trivia! Ironically enough, the "proper" pentagram derives from Christian symbology, hence the upside-downness of the more commonly-seen "naughty" pentagram. Because devil worshippers are evidently somewhat lacking in originality.)
Based on public observation, and with very few exceptions, it seems that the purpose of the pentagram is to be worn on jewelry or clothing as a protest against God for making you fat and ugly. My response to that being, "Hey, you don't see me getting all pissy." Probably because I'm not really all that ugly, and the fatness I sort of did to myself.
"Rainbow in the Dark" by Dio
A mousey, neurotic businessman--who is assumed to be a businessman simply because he's mousey and neurotic--in an attempt to find an equally unattractive mate, stalks a random dumpy woman through a town that appears to be one gigantic red light district.
There's some odd visual juxtaposition involving panties and raw steak. Ultimately, a couple of guitarists show up, the woman engages in some delightfully flaccidating gyration, and the businessman, overwhelmed by all of the unbridled homeliness, bites his purse (what?) and flees into the wilderness.
Not surprisingly, none of this has anything to do with the song.
I'm not really much of a Dio fan, but Ronnie himself gets bonus points in my book for a couple of reasons. The first being that he's a fellow member in good standing of the Big-Headed Freaks Club, the other relating to his very considerate tendency to pantomime everything he sings, that the hearing-impaired might also enjoy the video fully.
"Rhythm of Love" by The Scorpions
Fairly straightforward: In keeping with the fine tradition of hard rock and sci-fi relations, The Scorpions swoop in on a spaceship and do a gig for an alien empress. They rock the place so hard, in fact, that her palace explodes. And we all know what that's a metaphor for, don't we? Yeah, probably just an exploding palace.
Here's what I like about this song: "Love" is right there in the title, ergo it is a love song--or, failing that, at least a sex song--but it sounds like it would be equally well-suited as the backdrop for a cage match. Now that's what I call versatility!
One of the more interesting and more blatant lyrics occurs during the second verse. Namely, "Exploding shot of pleasure, is what I've got for you." Except that with Klaus' English-as-a-second-language vocals, it sound like "Exploding Shadow Pleasure." Is that not the Super Special of one of the Darkstalkers characters?
The Scorpions clearly walk a different path versus their more glammy, pretty-boy-having contemporaries, in that Klaus Meine is possibly the second least-handsome man in existence (see the previous example for el numero uno).
CONTENT WARNING: This video contains lots of gratuitous shaking bottoms, and some of them belong to scantily-clad ladies.
"Lay it Down" by Ratt
The video opens on the xth birthday of little Stephen Pearcy, played by the Creepiest Child Alive. Not only does he have a death warmed-over Eddie Munster bug-eyed kind of thing going on, he also has one ginormous melon (One would think that I would feel compassion for big-headed people, but nope!). It isn't so much a matter of total mass in this case as it is front-to-back proportions. He's exactly a half-an-inch shy of being officially classified as a xenomorph.
Anyway, thanks to the inconceivable power of Chucko the Clown's dimension-traversing spinner hat, we get to flash forward and watch grown-up Stephen Pearcy--forest prince extraordinaire--showing off his magical armlet and unbeatable kicking skills. And then we all feel a strange sense of relief when we see him hitting on a girl. He has early prototype Emo hair! And as a bastion of the least-Emo genre of music ever known, no less!
I don't know what the hand gesture that Little Stephen makes at the end is supposed to signify, but I'd wager it isn't appropriate for a child to be doing.
"Looks That Kill" by Motley Crue
Easily the weirdest production of Cats I've ever seen. In other news, I think Motley Crue would've been more popular and stayed popular longer if they had changed it to where every letter of the band's name had an umlaut over it. And in the space between "Motley" and "Crue"? An umlaut. With an umlaut over it. Hot umlaut-on-umlaut action.
Vince and the boys capture some cavewomen, but are temporarily thwarted by the arrival of an amazon warrior princess (heralded by a random tumbleweed), whose hotness is diminished somewhat by the fact that she's not nearly as pretty as three-fourths of the guys in the band (Sorry Mick).
In the ensuing fracas, the amazon fires a pyrotechnic photon charge from her wrist-crossbow at Mick, which is either absorbed by his guitar or misses entirely. Tommy responds with a bad special effect pentragram laser attack. Things catch fire at random.
Then a thrilling chase sequence ensues through the most poorly thought out space cruiser ever; its spiky interior apparently designed for the sole purpose of creating a hazard for its own crew.
Despite excellent wire-aided jumping abilities, amazon lady is ultimately captured and absorbed into the band's collective Motley Cruity--because they weren't already womanly enough--and then the band members themselves fade out and are replaced by, of all things, a flaming pentagram.
Which brings me to my main issue regarding the video: I think it really would've spruced things up some if they could've found a way to squeeze in fifteen to twenty more pentagrams. Seriously, I'm about pentagrammed out. I'm sure that when this video was made they were still ambiguously evil and reliably offensive, but ubiquity has taken its toll in the interim, and now they're just annoying. (Trivia! Ironically enough, the "proper" pentagram derives from Christian symbology, hence the upside-downness of the more commonly-seen "naughty" pentagram. Because devil worshippers are evidently somewhat lacking in originality.)
Based on public observation, and with very few exceptions, it seems that the purpose of the pentagram is to be worn on jewelry or clothing as a protest against God for making you fat and ugly. My response to that being, "Hey, you don't see me getting all pissy." Probably because I'm not really all that ugly, and the fatness I sort of did to myself.
