Post by Hucklebubba on Mar 13, 2008 23:42:45 GMT -5
Not literally, of course.
I'm not sure what it was that kept me from seeing this one back when it first came out, but I have a theory. I think I read somewhere that the videogame adaptation sucked, and I somehow took this as being exceptional i.e. not something that is true of all movie-to-game adapations. This resulted in a weird, inapplicable backlash that made me assume the movie was also crap, and that my time and money would be better spent on other movies in the Beardy Battlefield genre, such as Kingdom of Heaven. Which I also have still not seen.
Look, I'm a movie geek who doesn't actually watch that many movies, okay? It's kind of my gimmick.
Anyway, thanks to one of my coworkers bringing in a pile of DVDs to share--whereupon my manager snagged all the good ones--I was able to experience this film free of charge, which just happens to be a perfect fit for my socioeconomic stratum.
Having viewed it the requisite twice, I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised. The movie is solidly not crap, and there are some really memorable performances.
Clive Owen turns in the dreamiest Arthur ever, creating a character who is virtuous and sincere, and, atypically for that type of character, only slightly bland.
Keira Knightley retains her title of Hottest Skinny Boy, and rather impressively manages to come off as more than just Elizabeth Swann painted blue. I don't know if she hoarsed up her voice a bit or what, but whatever she did, it worked. And the way she cackles freakily during the final battle creates one of those situations where I'm not sure whether it's okay for something to be a turn-on.
Perhaps the biggest prop in my prop closet goes to Swedey McNordic, whose real name has a lot of "a"s and umlauts. As someone who has a deep and abiding interest in voice acting--to the maximum extent that someone can have an interest in something without getting off their duff and actually pursuing it--I think I kind of want to be this guy. Granted, it's exactly the same voice he would later apply to Bootstrap Bill, but it's just so cool. And I think it works a lot better here.
And finally, rounding out the accolade-getters is Ray Winstone, whose portrayal of Bors--the nigh-unkillable lunk that every team needs--marks the reprisal of. . .wait. . .hold on. . .
Okay, I was going to be all smart-assed and say "marks the reprisal of the same character he played in Saving Private Ryan." Problem: Ray Winstone wasn't in Saving Private Ryan; I'm thinking of Tom Sizemore.
So anyway, rounding out the accolade-getters is Ray Winstone, whose portrayal of Bors--the nigh-unkillable lunk that every team needs--marks the reprisal of the character Tom Sizemore played in Saving Private Ryan. And also Blackhawk Down.
And now for the not-so-goodness:
Every knight save for Arthur and possibly Lancelot--but arguably both of them as well--falls into one of two categories: One-note Trope, or Largely Undefined.
Galahad and Gawain both occupy the latter category, and the viewer never really gets to learn what makes them tick, or at least which Final Fantasy Tactics job they occupy. Galahad at first appears to be the dedicated archer, based on the fact that he uses a bow and comes off as kind of dainty, and Gawain seems to carry some sort of disdain for swords*, which is strangely cool of him. Beyond that, couldn't tell ya much.
Bors, as previously mentioned, is the noisy brute; His pal Dagonet is the strong, silent guy who befriends a child and thereby lights up road flares specifically calibrated to the Grim Reaper's visual spectrum; And Tristan? Tristan is Too Cool to Live(tm).
My other, larger complaint pile heaps itself entirely upon the character of Lancelot; or, as I like to call him, Lord Emo of Sulksbury.
You remember how earlier I implied that Arthur and Lancelot might also be one-dimensional poopstains to some degree? Well, as it turns out, they are the Earnest Believer and Mocking Atheist, respectively. They come in an action figure 2-pack.
Taken at face value, you'd think they'd both get annoying, but Arthur at least has some other stuff to fall back on. Whereas Lancelot's entire schedule, outside of saying some variation of "blah blah blah your God in sarcastitalics yackety shmackety" seems to consist chiefly of dragging a loaded diaper around, and trying to decide whether to sneer or pout.
I mean, granted, neither he nor any of the others are in the most pleasant of circumstances, but he could at least take a lesson from Bors; get hammered and copulate excessively with a hot redhead. Granted, this is perhaps not the healthiest or most responsible outlet, but at least it's something.
In the end, King Arthur racks up more cheers than jeers. Definitely worth a rent, even more definitely worth a free borrow, and I may even add it to my permanent collection someday.
*I only say this because he is never once seen using one. On special occasions he uses a spear or bow, but most often wields an axe and club.
I'm not sure what it was that kept me from seeing this one back when it first came out, but I have a theory. I think I read somewhere that the videogame adaptation sucked, and I somehow took this as being exceptional i.e. not something that is true of all movie-to-game adapations. This resulted in a weird, inapplicable backlash that made me assume the movie was also crap, and that my time and money would be better spent on other movies in the Beardy Battlefield genre, such as Kingdom of Heaven. Which I also have still not seen.
Look, I'm a movie geek who doesn't actually watch that many movies, okay? It's kind of my gimmick.
Anyway, thanks to one of my coworkers bringing in a pile of DVDs to share--whereupon my manager snagged all the good ones--I was able to experience this film free of charge, which just happens to be a perfect fit for my socioeconomic stratum.
Having viewed it the requisite twice, I have to say I'm pleasantly surprised. The movie is solidly not crap, and there are some really memorable performances.
Clive Owen turns in the dreamiest Arthur ever, creating a character who is virtuous and sincere, and, atypically for that type of character, only slightly bland.
Keira Knightley retains her title of Hottest Skinny Boy, and rather impressively manages to come off as more than just Elizabeth Swann painted blue. I don't know if she hoarsed up her voice a bit or what, but whatever she did, it worked. And the way she cackles freakily during the final battle creates one of those situations where I'm not sure whether it's okay for something to be a turn-on.
Perhaps the biggest prop in my prop closet goes to Swedey McNordic, whose real name has a lot of "a"s and umlauts. As someone who has a deep and abiding interest in voice acting--to the maximum extent that someone can have an interest in something without getting off their duff and actually pursuing it--I think I kind of want to be this guy. Granted, it's exactly the same voice he would later apply to Bootstrap Bill, but it's just so cool. And I think it works a lot better here.
And finally, rounding out the accolade-getters is Ray Winstone, whose portrayal of Bors--the nigh-unkillable lunk that every team needs--marks the reprisal of. . .wait. . .hold on. . .
Okay, I was going to be all smart-assed and say "marks the reprisal of the same character he played in Saving Private Ryan." Problem: Ray Winstone wasn't in Saving Private Ryan; I'm thinking of Tom Sizemore.
So anyway, rounding out the accolade-getters is Ray Winstone, whose portrayal of Bors--the nigh-unkillable lunk that every team needs--marks the reprisal of the character Tom Sizemore played in Saving Private Ryan. And also Blackhawk Down.
And now for the not-so-goodness:
Every knight save for Arthur and possibly Lancelot--but arguably both of them as well--falls into one of two categories: One-note Trope, or Largely Undefined.
Galahad and Gawain both occupy the latter category, and the viewer never really gets to learn what makes them tick, or at least which Final Fantasy Tactics job they occupy. Galahad at first appears to be the dedicated archer, based on the fact that he uses a bow and comes off as kind of dainty, and Gawain seems to carry some sort of disdain for swords*, which is strangely cool of him. Beyond that, couldn't tell ya much.
Bors, as previously mentioned, is the noisy brute; His pal Dagonet is the strong, silent guy who befriends a child and thereby lights up road flares specifically calibrated to the Grim Reaper's visual spectrum; And Tristan? Tristan is Too Cool to Live(tm).
My other, larger complaint pile heaps itself entirely upon the character of Lancelot; or, as I like to call him, Lord Emo of Sulksbury.
You remember how earlier I implied that Arthur and Lancelot might also be one-dimensional poopstains to some degree? Well, as it turns out, they are the Earnest Believer and Mocking Atheist, respectively. They come in an action figure 2-pack.
Taken at face value, you'd think they'd both get annoying, but Arthur at least has some other stuff to fall back on. Whereas Lancelot's entire schedule, outside of saying some variation of "blah blah blah your God in sarcastitalics yackety shmackety" seems to consist chiefly of dragging a loaded diaper around, and trying to decide whether to sneer or pout.
I mean, granted, neither he nor any of the others are in the most pleasant of circumstances, but he could at least take a lesson from Bors; get hammered and copulate excessively with a hot redhead. Granted, this is perhaps not the healthiest or most responsible outlet, but at least it's something.
In the end, King Arthur racks up more cheers than jeers. Definitely worth a rent, even more definitely worth a free borrow, and I may even add it to my permanent collection someday.
*I only say this because he is never once seen using one. On special occasions he uses a spear or bow, but most often wields an axe and club.
