Weird Holiday Traditions

[TheLuckyOne]

Okay, so the holidays are upon us, and soon we'll all be decking the halls and egging our nogs and sneaking over to that mistletoe in anticipation, so I thought it'd be a fun idea to take a look at some of the more... well, "out there" of holiday traditions. Things you've seen or done around the holidays that most people would look at with raised eyebrows or gaping bemusement. Whether it's your Aunt Ethel's constant attempts to sacrifice the family dog to C'thulu on Christmas Day, or just a bizarre product or display you saw on TV or in the stores, tell us about it- it'll help alleviate the stress from buying present for all those sorry little ingrates.


For me, one of the weirder things I came across was back in college- my school was in a small town, and most of the radio stations we got were from nearby Columbus, Ohio. Well, in my senior year, the morning show guys for one such station kept talking about a program they'd begun last Christmas that was such a success, they were doing it again. The program was apparently a charitable one, designed to collect toys for less fortunate children -- an admirable goal, I'm sure you'll all agree -- but their method of going about it was... ah, a little untraditional. See, they had partnered up with a local strip club, and apparently the deal was that every patron who brought in a toy to donate to the kids would receive a free lapdance. No, you didn't misread that- bring in a toy, get a lapdance. Uh-huh. Clearly modeled after the "Toys for Tots" charitable drive, this version had been dubbed something else I can't repeat on a family board, except to say that only one vowel had been changed in the name.

So. I have no idea what became of this program -- for all I know, it's still going on -- but I think that definitely qualifies as a slightly weird holiday tradition. What other ones have you guys seen?

-D

[Spiderdancer]

The Union Gap police dept. here in Yakima does "Santa Cop," in which a policeman dresses up as Santa and rides in the back of a patrol car. They pull people over if their kids are wearing seat belts, then after the police check Mom and Dad's licenses, Santa comes and gives everyone toys.

The officer on the radio who was describing this said "It's always funny to watch the parents try to figure out why we pulled them over." More than one child has wanted to know why Santa got busted (and is riding in the back of the car).

[Magill]

I just read in this article (free registration required), that an aquarium in Kentucky has a "scuba Santa." Some of my favorite quotes:

Scuba Santa dives five times a day into the 385,000-gallon shark tank at the Newport Aquarium here. The tradition started three years ago, when the aquarium was searching for ways to increase attendance during the normally slow holiday season.

"Why not stick Santa into the shark tank?" said Jill Isaacs, an aquarium spokeswoman.

To avoid being eaten, Santa takes several precautions. He checks his arms and legs before each show to be sure he has no open, bleeding cuts. Once in the water he keeps his hands close to his body and makes no sudden moves; if Santa were to wave quickly, a passing shark could mistake his flopping, white-gloved hand for a wounded fish.

The subsequent interaction would no doubt prove emotionally scarring for the dozens of children in the audience.

Most important, Santa makes sure the sharks receive their regular meals, which consist of green peas and pink squid served once every four days.

"Santa thinks it's a good idea to keep the sharks well fed, especially when Santa's in here," said the aquarium's top Santa, Ed Evans, one of five scuba divers who play the role.

and

As any well-informed 4-year-old knows, Santa has no business swimming in an aquarium across the Ohio River from Cincinnati, especially just a few weeks before Christmas. So each Scuba Santa presentation begins with a 30-second cartoon that shows Santa's reindeer escaping. With help from his magical seahorse friends, Santa finds them at the bottom of the sea.

Suddenly, the movie screen rises, and there is Scuba Santa, hovering 10 feet underwater behind a wall of acrylic six inches thick. The children in the audience gasp, as do many of their parents. . .

Floating next to Santa is his elf, Snowflake, dressed in a green-and-red costume over a black dive suit. Snowflake's primary task is to alert Santa of nearby sharks.

Their most frequent visitor is Sweet Pea, a shark ray, who resembles a stingray crossed with a crocodile. Sweet Pea, who weighs 50 pounds and someday will weigh over 250, is the first member of her endangered species to be held in captivity in the Western Hemisphere. She spends most of her time during the scuba event swimming circles around Snowflake's flippers.

At the end of a recent show, Sweet Pea rammed Santa like a Labrador retriever greeting its master at the door. Santa grabbed the shark ray by her snout and jammed a fist-size hunk of lobster into her mouth. . .
As long as the sharks are not hungry, the biggest threat to Santa and Snowflake is actually Denver, a 400-pound loggerhead sea turtle. In a show last week, Denver made a quick dive, sneaked up behind Santa and tried to steal his bright red hat.

The turtle has succeeded in this game many times, jeopardizing the fragile state of suspended disbelief that keeps mature 7- and 8-year-olds barely within the fold of Santa believers. (What would they think if the giant turtle were to abscond not only Santa's with hat, but also with his curly white wig?)

Snowflake, played during that show by the dive program director, Jennifer Wolfe, thwarted this near-disaster by kicking hard with her flippers and shooting toward Santa, catching Denver just under his chin with her hand. Ms. Wolfe stuck a piece of white plastic pipe, painted with red stripes like a candy cane, into Denver's mouth. The turtle happily gnawed on it as Santa and Snowflake scratched his neck.

[PoolMan]

Disaster. WAITING. To happen.

[Big T]

I had no idea that sharks ate peas, even if they were mixed with squid.

[Spiderdancer]

Sharks are one of nature's stupidest large animals (other than human beings). Accordingly, they will eat ANYTHING that comes mixed in with the animal flesh. I'm pretty sure the peas were added to give the sharks vitamins they cannot acquire on their own in an aquarium.

This is why sharks that have been killed by fishermen have been found with some very odd things in their stomachs.

The turtle thing sounds cute, by the way.

[PoolMan]

My favourite new holiday tradition (going back a couple of years now) is pulling out the following picture and laughing my ass off.



Hey, at least it ain't the Busty Justin!

Merry Christmas everybody!

[Head Mutant]

You, sir, SUCK.

[PoolMan]

What? Why?