Post by PoolMan on Dec 12, 2003 17:14:05 GMT -5
Dear Purveyors of Electronic Junk Mail,
On behalf of myself and countless others denizens of the Internet, I wholeheartedly invite you to bite me.
As I have just had to spend my monthly HOUR cleaning out my online email account, I would like very much to point out that I do not, in fact, seek constant bombardment for the following list of subjects:
- Fictionally named women who always write to say "Hi". I have not and will never write back to Ms Candy Kain to hear all about her hot new website that is just barely legal.
- African ambassadors who want to offer me millions upon millions of dollars because my email moniker sounds trustworthy.
- Publishers who want to put my book into 5000+ listings. WHEN I write a book, I'll be going with Olivetti House anyways.
- File sharing programs. Although my status as a Canadian grants me leave from prosecution under the RIAA, that doesn't mean I want a hard drive full of your spyware.
- Mortgages. MORTGAGES. I'm going to fund my home purchase online through someone who spells like a chimpanzee. Uh huh.
- Penile enlargement offers. While I am grateful that someone else is keeping such careful track of my genital size, were I to subscribe to every email solution I received, I would no doubt require the use of a small fleet of trucks to carry my manliness around in, and you can surely understand that such an expense is currently beyond my means.
In short, I receive God knows how many of these every single day, and as a respected Interweb Baron, I just can't understand why. Is there really a lot of money to be made for all the broadcast emails you release every day? Are people actually sending their bank numbers to Dr Mkembe? Do men really think that some M&M's they bought online are going to increase their girth? Okay, I can understand the pr0n thing making money, but come on, are you telling me that there's enough stupid people in the world falling for these scams that they're somehow worth perpetrating on the rest of us with enough brain cells to fill a beaker? Because I have to tell you, you're ruining the Internet for me, just a little at a time. I thought I'd share that with you. Asshat.
But on the bright side, it looks like your days are numbered anyways.
Love always,
PoolMan
PS: Apologies to Forum-goers. I had to get this off my chest. Feel free to share your thoughts.
On behalf of myself and countless others denizens of the Internet, I wholeheartedly invite you to bite me.
As I have just had to spend my monthly HOUR cleaning out my online email account, I would like very much to point out that I do not, in fact, seek constant bombardment for the following list of subjects:
- Fictionally named women who always write to say "Hi". I have not and will never write back to Ms Candy Kain to hear all about her hot new website that is just barely legal.
- African ambassadors who want to offer me millions upon millions of dollars because my email moniker sounds trustworthy.
- Publishers who want to put my book into 5000+ listings. WHEN I write a book, I'll be going with Olivetti House anyways.
- File sharing programs. Although my status as a Canadian grants me leave from prosecution under the RIAA, that doesn't mean I want a hard drive full of your spyware.
- Mortgages. MORTGAGES. I'm going to fund my home purchase online through someone who spells like a chimpanzee. Uh huh.
- Penile enlargement offers. While I am grateful that someone else is keeping such careful track of my genital size, were I to subscribe to every email solution I received, I would no doubt require the use of a small fleet of trucks to carry my manliness around in, and you can surely understand that such an expense is currently beyond my means.
In short, I receive God knows how many of these every single day, and as a respected Interweb Baron, I just can't understand why. Is there really a lot of money to be made for all the broadcast emails you release every day? Are people actually sending their bank numbers to Dr Mkembe? Do men really think that some M&M's they bought online are going to increase their girth? Okay, I can understand the pr0n thing making money, but come on, are you telling me that there's enough stupid people in the world falling for these scams that they're somehow worth perpetrating on the rest of us with enough brain cells to fill a beaker? Because I have to tell you, you're ruining the Internet for me, just a little at a time. I thought I'd share that with you. Asshat.
But on the bright side, it looks like your days are numbered anyways.
Love always,
PoolMan
PS: Apologies to Forum-goers. I had to get this off my chest. Feel free to share your thoughts.
