Cage Match: Bauer vs. Bond. Who would win?

[wdm0744]

Question: Who would win in a cage match, Jack Bauer or James Bond?
Answer: Depends. Which Bond?
Connery: Probably Bond. Anyone who can put the smack down on a dude with metal hands gets my vote.
Lazenby: Hard to say since he only did one film, but I'm pretty sure Bauer could own a male model.
Moore: Please. Roger better whip out a witty quip or double-entendre pretty fast or he'll be eating his Ensure through a feeding tube.
Dalton: This one is tough to call. They both have a lot of rage. They both have a mean streak and a pretty big chip on their shoulders. It comes down to one crucial question: Who is more helpless; Bond's current kitten or Bauer's daughter, Kim? Dalton might want to bring along a cougar.
Brosnan: Gadgets. It is all about the gadgets and the negligent allies who put them in such unruly hands. Does Q have the day off (ala Live and Let Die)? How much are Chloe's efforts to help a Jack-gone-rogue-(again) being impeded by the kill-joys over at Division? All things being equal, however, I think Jack could use Pierce's metrosexual nail file as a deadly - and painful - weapon.
Craig: Bond. No question. Bauer may be crazy, but Craig is bigger and he's majorly pissed. Plus we now know he can take a literal ball-busting and still recover in a big way (although this may explain why James Bond, Jr. is his nephew and not his son).

[TheLuckyOne]

Depends on the circumstances. Do they have any prep time, or are they just dropped in without warning? No character in the history of TV or film is better at thinking on his feet and adapting to changing circumstances than Bauer -- he has to be, it's the nature of the show -- whereas Bond is a more cool, detached, unemotional person (i.e., sociopath) who could have the edge if given a chance to plan ahead of time. If Bond can rile Jack into making a mistake while remaining calm himself, he might win. On the other hand, if Bond brings up Terri Bauer, Jack is just going to fire back with Tracy Bond, and now they're both pissed.

While Bond is a cool hand with a PPK, I'd give Jack the edge in a run-and-gun scenario... again, given the nature of his show, he has to be. But if Bond gets to take all of his fancy Q gadgets into the cage with him, even Jack's beloved man-purse won't save him.

A better match-up might be Jack Bauer vs. Chuck Norris, but the universe would not survive such a fight.

-D

[wdm0744]

Ooh, the Mighty Man-purse of Death, I forgot about that. Nice.
Good points all.

[Rett Mikhal]

I'm pretty sure Bond could use anything from a CP-90 Submachine gun to an RPG-7 rocket launcher to an infinite ammo-touting laser pistol, whereas Jacky is constantly stuck with a pistol of some kind in his hands. Oh sure, SOMETIMES he might grab something else, but whenever he does he's got a great big sulk on his face like he's all mad his gun can hold more than 15 bullets.

I vote for Bond.