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Post by Head Mutant on Jul 29, 2005 21:36:18 GMT -5
Well, fortunately, he speaks Mandarin Chinese. And so do I! MRFH: You speak Mandarin Chinese? Hey, so do we! |
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Post by Head Mutant on Jul 29, 2005 21:37:47 GMT -5
One of our leaders (male) on the mission trip came to me one morning and said,
"So I went to brush my teeth last night. And after a bit, I was like, this toothpaste is pretty strong! So I kept brushing, eventually looking at the tube of the stuff." [pause] "Yeah, it was Ben-Gay. I called poison control."
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Post by duckie on Jul 31, 2005 20:42:15 GMT -5
Yup. I'd locked myself out. At 7:15 in the morning. Wearing NOTHING but a robe. (No underwear or bra, even.) Wet hair. Teeth unbrushed. No shoes. And no cell phone. Ya know, when Lissa told me this, the first thing I thought of was those articles that you occasionally find in the forum of a certain magazine. You know, the ones which begin by saying, "I never thought this would happen to me, but... " ;D |
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Post by PoolMan on Aug 3, 2005 13:09:56 GMT -5
Full credit to Madler, who gave me the giggles for about fifteen minutes after he uttered this gem:
[we've just crossed the border from the USA into Canada, and Madler is recounting the security questions he was asked]
Madler: "How did you acquire your goods on this trip"? ILLICITLY!
I'm honest-to-God STILL chuckling at that one, two days later. I told him there was $100 in it for him if he went back, crossed through again, and gave exactly that answer.
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Post by Head Mutant on Aug 12, 2005 15:12:06 GMT -5
Some days, not often, but some days I think we all have a conversation that we're 100% sure no one has ever had in all of history. Here goes mine for today.
We have two wedding dresses, see, from our April wedding. The first dress, ordered online from China (we thought it was coming from England, as both countries look very similar on a map), came to us far too small and too late to send it back and get a replacement. They also refused to accept it back for a refund when I mailed it back to China, so it came back to me again, this merry little wedding dress crossing the Pacific twice and never once being worn. We also have my wife's replacement wedding dress bought after the first one freaked us out so.
Being a newly married couple that likes eating two or three times a day, we're going through our stuff and posting it on eBay for sale. Hello, two wedding dresses! Caramel puts them up for bidding the other day, and proceeds to watch them like a hawk. I mean, every freaking minute she's logging on to eBay, obsessing over the people "watching" but not "bidding", and sweating blood and tears over minute details of posting. I also neglected to say that one of the dresses she took a picture of was posted with the picture *sideways*. It's the wedding dress for the lazy bride!
Anyway, that brings you up to speed on today's quote, a conversation really, as she calls me from work:
HER: Justin! Log onto eBay! Quick!
ME: Um... okay. Why?
HER: You've got to bid on those dresses, now!
[Now, her thinking is that if the dresses don't get a high enough bid -- she hates using the "reserve" -- she'll have me fake buy it. But she also wants me to fake bid on it to drive other people into a shopping frenzy. I shared with her my suspicions that eBay probably doesn't condone this type of manipulation, but I'm just a guy and what do I know?]
ME: Babe, you have four days left on them. Why do you need me bidding on them?
HER: It's the weekend! People buy more on the weekend! Put the bidding on each at $75.
ME: I don't want two wedding dresses. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've already paid for both of these this year, plus some extra fancy shipping for one of them to take a cruise to China and back.
HER: Please... log on right now.
ME: [checking my computer] My password doesn't work for some reason.
HER: [clacking of a keyboard on the phone] Oh yes it does. There you go! I bid for you.
ME: Thank you. Tonight, I'm going to sell you your own bed if you want some place to sleep. Talk to you later! *click*
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Post by StarOpal on Aug 15, 2005 19:25:51 GMT -5
Today my mother's telling me about a biography on Cary Grant she saw on TV...
Mom: Yeah in real life he was really very quiet, but they'd marry him thinking he was like his screen persona. They thought they were marrying an absorbent man.
Me: ... Yeah I like my men absorbent.
Mom: Is that what I said?
Me: Yeah. So that would be like Brawny right? Hot!
Mom: Shut up.
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Post by PoolMan on Aug 16, 2005 12:14:40 GMT -5
I just noticed something. ME: Thank you. Tonight, I'm going to sell you your own bed if you want some place to sleep. Talk to you later! *click* I'm picturing Cleaveresque twin beds on opposite sides of the room here, Justin... will you push them together for the first anniversary?  |
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Post by pfrsue on Aug 20, 2005 17:56:35 GMT -5
I've decided to accept a challenge to write some Star Wars fanfic, but I'm still working out a plot. So over supper tonight, I mutter to myself, "How the heck do you torture a Jedi?"
My 11 year old daughter blurts, "Tie him to a chair, put a television in front of him and make him watch the PBS Kids shows."
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Post by StarOpal on Aug 21, 2005 13:39:50 GMT -5
Today while driving by a theater:
"Virgin Penguins"
I'm guessing they ran out of room on the sign....
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Post by TheLuckyOne on Aug 26, 2005 0:05:48 GMT -5
Okay, this actually isn't all that FUNNY, per se, but I did think it was pretty interesting, and there's no "An Interesting Thing I Heard Today" thread, so...
Anyway, I'm sure everyone is familiar with a certain derogatory epithet for Italian-Americans that begins with a "w" and ends with a "p". However, my great-uncle recently explained the origins of that word to us- it stands for "Without papers, a reference to when Italians used to come through Ellis Island without official documents granting them U.S. citizenship. Obviously it's not cool to use that word now, but I thought it was interesting to learn that the origin of the word, while not flattering, wasn't quite as volatile. So that's one to grow on!
-D
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DTH
Ghostbuster
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
Posts: 582
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Post by DTH on Sept 14, 2005 7:17:31 GMT -5
In England, in addition to flipping the bird, we have a "cussing gesture" where you stick two figures up at someone in a v-sign (as seen in the BBC show, Young Ones if you want a point of reference  ). This originates from middle ages Britain where anyone caught attempting to assassinate soldiers with a bow and arrow had those two fingers chopped off. By sticking those fingers up, you were basically taunting the soldiers that you could quite easily have a crack at them with a bow... Just thought I'd share  |
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Post by PoolMan on Sept 14, 2005 10:59:33 GMT -5
Dorian, is that related to that old story about the bowmen who would shout "pluck yew"? |
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Post by Magill on Sept 14, 2005 13:19:54 GMT -5
You mean this story? Drew--that's not quite the etymology of that word. It's derived from the Italian word guappo (or Spanish guapo) which can mean "thug" or "strutting fellow." Doing my part to quash urban legends about language. |
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DTH
Ghostbuster
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
Posts: 582
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Post by DTH on Sept 15, 2005 3:31:55 GMT -5
Dorian, is that related to that old story about the bowmen who would shout "pluck yew"? LOL I'd never heard of that. Nice story |
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Post by duckie on Sept 15, 2005 22:45:25 GMT -5
Four Navy seals, outside of my hotel this morning... "What time did you tell xxx to be ready?" "7:30AM" "Well, it's 7:45 and he's still not here. Anyone know where he might be?" "I dunno, but we did tell him last night to be ready by 7:30." "Well, it's now 7:50 and he's not here. Screw it, let's go." Apparently, the Seals don't subscribe to the "no man left behind" philosophy (And, no offense to any military personnel who read the boards; I just thought this was ironic, in an Alanis sort of way ) |
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