A Funny Thing I Heard Today (pt 2)

[Head Mutant]

Fun conversation between me and my Quebecianese girlfriend:

Geneviève says: it's funny, they just talked about canadian idol on the news

Geneviève says: weird

The Full Monkey says: well, it's all your country has to live for, that and winter

Geneviève says: oh shut up

The Full Monkey says: i'm ever so witty

Geneviève says: my country is better than yours

Geneviève says: wanna fight?

Geneviève says: come on

Geneviève says: i'm not scared of you

The Full Monkey says: hehe slap fight! slap fight!

Geneviève says: what?

The Full Monkey says: girly slap fight

Geneviève says: no, i don't do that

Geneviève says: i kick butts

The Full Monkey says: by "kicking butts", do you mean "flinging your leg up and falling backwards"? and by "my country is better than yours", do you mean "we routinely have to fight polar bears for parking spaces"?

[DocD83]

Something that happened the other night:

We were drinking (yay college!) and I was, shall we say, orientationally challenged. So, slumped against the refrigerator, I was just listening to the conversation nearby. The conversation turned to trying to figure out who's the drunkest, and one guy says, "One way to tell if you're really f---ed up is to slap yourself in the face and see if you feel it."

The following is a list of what I remember of the next minute or so:

1) CRRRRAAACK!
2) My vision has suddenly shifted down and to the left
3) There is laughter
4) Why is the floor so much closer now?
5) Everyone who was near the door is now out of view in the hallway
6) The guy not near the door is doubled over in laughter
7) I decide I won, though I'm no longer sure what it was I won
8) The guy tells me he meant only a little tapping on the cheek
9) "[long, loud expletive]"

I did it again later for the cameras (yes, I have video of it, from the makers of "$15 Stun Gun Test"), where I managed to knock myself down.

It took me 4 hours to do my homework today....think these things are related? Nah.

[Lexiness]

Well, it's not so much that I "heard" this, but that it is funny, and I didn't feel exactly justified in opening a new thread. I bumped into it on the ThinkGeek page. Now, to the funny:

Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books:

Chocolate Chip Cookies:

Ingredients:

532.35 cm3 gluten
4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
4.9 cm3 refined halite
236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
-----------------------------------

This has been your Monday morning funny in order to wake up as quickly as possible without dangerous doses of caffein.

Lex
-Looking to our resident Engineers who were possibly the only ones who thought it was amusing...

[Uber]

*cries*

Hey, I resemble that remark! You should see it when I give directions to my house.

[jenfrazer]

Aahhh … engineering humor! It reminds me of college.

An example of the kind of stuff we'd encounter?
www.twinkiesproject.com/

I once had a CIVI friend run strength comparisons between concrete and stale bagels from the school cafeteria. And then there's the almost legendary account of students turning around the statue of our founder in the middle of the night using nothing but an A-frame.

But as for funny things I heard today? Well, I just woke up. But I'll keep an ear open while watching the US Open. Rich Eisen's giving Johnny Mac a run for his money as the funniest tennis commentator. The other day he hosted a spelling bee where fans were asked to spell the names of tennis stars. Hee!

Jen
(Your name is Krasnoroutskaya.)

[DocD83]

I was watching some news show the other day, and they cut to a reporter named John (I think) doing something about the recall election at a local (for them) pancake joint. The reporter says something like, "Come on down, there's plenty of seats and the pancakes are delicios, and John is buying breakfast for..absolutely no one ask the crew."

The timing was perfect.

[jenfrazer]

Funny sad, but not so much funny ha ha:
"When we come back … more mist! Live on USA!"

Jen
(Everytime they say "Dent," I think Hitchhiker's Guide. That's no good.)

[DarthToad]

"It was her third marrige, and Larry King's ninth."

Ah Biography, how would I waste my time without you.

[bobbytheveg]

Okay, this doesn't belong in the thread...please forgive me:

Proof that i have a cool boss:
He ordered tshirts for our department to boost morale during a software switchover. In the back in large comforting letters are the words "Don't Panic". Yes....he gets it.

[PoolMan]

Hehe... from a news report last night.

There's a stretch of forest fires seriously endangering BC right now. Thankfully none near where I live, and there's (finally!) rain expected this weekend, but a good part of the interior is ablaze. Homes have been lost already, so people are taking measures to make sure theirs isn't next.

So I'm watching them spray this goop onto these houses to act as a fire retardant. I'm sure what the reporter meant to say was something like "This gel is basically made from the same water-absorbing polymers as a baby's diapers, permitting it to hold water for an hour at a time".

What she actually said was:

"Now, what you'll find in this gel is the same thing you'd find in a baby's diaper."

I spent the next couple minutes laughing as they continued to show footage of people spraying what "you'd find in a baby's diaper" all over their houses. Too funny.

[Hucklebubba]

Heard this one during a go-to-commercial segue on VH1's I Love the 70s. Tickled me funny bone, it did:

"When we come back: The Ford Pinto--Everyone's favorite exploding car!"

[Head Mutant]

When checking out some of the sites that have linked to us, I came across this one (which has us on his bookmark page).

Wow. I dare you. Just look at this picture. Wow.

www.pineal.org/

[DarthToad]

I'm afraid...very afraid...

[DocD83]

How did my picture get online?

[Al]

Exchange last week between me and my friend Catie, who makes a habit of venting to me as often as possible:

Me: So what do you have to complain about today?
Catie (extremely unhappy): I'm on my period. Do you wanna hear about THAT?
Me: Oh. ... Gee, well, um, I have to go... lift weights. What?

She didn't get it *and* I got to hear all about her period. Am I not blessed?

Al