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Post by Hucklebubba on Nov 19, 2003 12:10:41 GMT -5
Natural Citrus Listerine
Summary: Mom(tm) comes home from the store, and boldly announces her mouthwash purchase to Family(tm). Unbeknownst to them, Mom's got Natural Citrus Listerine, as opposed to Blistering Hellfire Listerine, or, as it's known to the layperson, Listerine.
So, with visions of mouth-torture dancing in their heads, Family runs and hides like the little sissy babies they are. This is a much more logical reaction than just not using the stuff, as Mom obviously intends to force-feed it to them. Or perhaps the Listerine bottle itself has achieved some form of ungodly animation, and now intends to dispatch the family members one by one.
Regardless, Mom informs her cowardly family that Natural Citrus Listerine is a noble mouthwash that always fights for justice. The various family members emerge from cabinets and chandeliers, and everyone has a good laugh. Perhaps their wacky neighbor chooses that exact moment to poke his head in the window. (He doesn't, but it really would've completed the package.)
I'm kind of against Natural Citrus Listerine. I mean, sure, it's "less intense," which makes it safe for small children and the elderly, but isn't intensity what Listerine is known and loved for? Like habanero salsa, Lemonheads, and self-flagellation, there's just something about classic Listerine that appeals to the little masochist inside us all.
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Post by dajaymann on Nov 19, 2003 12:49:16 GMT -5
This morning I discovered that my wife had gotten a tri-pack of mini-toothpastes. One of them was Citrus Flavored Toothpaste. You know that awful taste you get in your mouth when you drink orange juice after brushing your teeth? Well, now you can skip the orange juice drinking part and still get to enjoy that taste!!! It was just the strangest damn combination to me.
But I'm also a masochist, and I kinda liked it when I tried it out.
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Post by PoolMan on Nov 19, 2003 13:18:19 GMT -5
A dear friend of mine works for a company that gives samples to the public at displays, and she recently came into about ten pounds (literally) of lemon-ice gum of some kind. She offered me as much as I wanted, but after my first taste of "mediciney mint and citrus" I opted out. I really don't understand the attempt... are we so out of decent flavour combinations?
"Now, with new Garlic and Maple Syrup flavouring!"
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Post by Hucklebubba on Nov 20, 2003 1:03:03 GMT -5
I like dubious commercials. They's some good eatin'.
Zales Jewelers
I think it was Zales. Or maybe it was Kay. Bah! My deliberating has become tiresome! On with the summary:
A man and a woman, bundled up in their fall clothes, are seen taking a stroll in Paris or Venice or some other place that's way too romantic and cobblestoney to be in America. The man, seized by a sudden spurt of embarassing emotion, shouts out, "I love this woman!" several times, to which the woman responds by saying something along the lines of, "Be silent or be silenced, you fool! Cobraaaa!!"
(A bunch of very romantic and foreign pigeons are disturbed by the man's happy fit, and as such, take flight right the heck out of there. However, if you watch closely, you'll noticed that a fresh flock of pigeons takes off every time the man yells or does a jig. Thanks to this wonky bit of editing, you get the impression that the same flock of slow-learning pigeons takes off and re-lands two or three times in impossibly rapid succession.)
At this point, the man pulls out his hidden ace, which sounds naughty and wrong when I read it. No! It's a diamond, I mean! The diamond saves the day, and allows love to flourish. Paul and Ringo shamefully seek solitude, while John and George spin in their graves. (Think about it for a bit.)
Upon seeing the diamond, the woman becomes all gooshy and affectionate. Her mouth says, "I love this man." in a quiet, breathy manner, whilst her eyes say, "Look at the size of that rock!" In the end, this commercial proves the old Spanish proverb, "There can be superfluous expense without love, but there cannot be love without superfluous expense."
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Post by Lissa on Nov 20, 2003 6:38:31 GMT -5
The ones that get me are the Kentucky Fried (or Kitchen Fresh, whatever they are now) Chicken commercials. The one where the guy is sitting on the pickup truck and someone comments that he's lost weight. The commentator asks how, and the pick up truck guy says "eating chicken." Then they go on to rave about how HEALTHY Kentucky FRIED chicken is, and how it has less fat than a whopper. (What doesn't have less fat than a Whopper? A tub of lard, maybe?) I know they're going after the Atkins crowd, but last time I checked, fried chicken wasn't healthy in my universe! I mean, in moderation it isn't remotely going to kill you, but come on! I'm almost afraid to ask what next?
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Post by Hucklebubba on Nov 20, 2003 11:23:07 GMT -5
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Post by Magill on Nov 20, 2003 17:29:30 GMT -5
I really hate almost any kind of jewelry ad, because they try to promote the idea that all you have to do to get a woman to love you (or keep on loving you) is buy her some sparkly rocks. The sad thing is, there are plenty of women like that (case in point: my uncle's now ex-wife, who listed all of the jewelry he was going to have to buy her on their various aniversaries/other special occasions). Frankly, the only jewelry I wear is my watch, and with all of the business with blood diamonds and the behavior of DeBeers, the last thing I want are some diamonds.
Back to the topic. Commercials I don't like
-"Can you hear me now?" Especially the one with the monkey and the banana. The Verizon guy annoys me to know end. Though I will admit that I find the Sprint trenchcoat guy oddly attractive. He just seems so calm and helpful.
-Any Subway commercial with Jared.
-All the SUV commercials that try to pretend that the majority of their buyers will actually take their vehicles off of paved roads.
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Post by PoolMan on Nov 20, 2003 18:04:03 GMT -5
-Any Subway commercial with Jared. I have to comment on that one. Normally, I'd agree with you, but I did see ONE funny Jared ad, and I think it's still brand new. You've got this tough guy on camera, talking about how he was parachuting, and both his chutes failed. So he says "I asked myself, what would Jared do?". Cut to Jared, hands in the air, SCREAMING like a little girl for about five seconds straight before it cuts back to the tough guy. Maybe you just had to be there, maybe it won't be funny the next time around. But I was just DYING with laughter. |
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Genetic Mishap
Boomstick Coordinator
I am a South American fish. Surrender your urethra.
Posts: 256
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Post by Genetic Mishap on Nov 23, 2003 11:07:39 GMT -5
I'm partial to the cheerleading carwasher, myself.
Oh Mickey, you're so fine...
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Post by DocD83 on Nov 24, 2003 22:26:39 GMT -5
What's DeBeers doing?
Are other gems ok?
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Post by PoolMan on Nov 25, 2003 1:05:27 GMT -5
There's a lot of recent question about the morality of DeBeers diamonds. To my knowledge, it's about the use of extremely cheap (read: slave) labour in Africa to mine the gems.
That's why Canadian Polar Bear Diamonds are suddenly so popular! (and expensive) We mine voluntarily, and almost never get whipped!
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Post by Magill on Nov 26, 2003 10:49:36 GMT -5
De Beers is essentially a cartel--they keep the price of diamonds artificially high by hoarding a lot of gems and releasing them a little at a time. I've heard that a lot of their upper-level execs never set foot on US soil because they would be immediately arrested. "Blood diamonds" (also called "conflict diamonds") are named so because, to quote Amnesty International, "diamonds have been, and continue to be linked to terrible human rights abuses either by insurgent groups to fuel conflict and carry out atrocities against innocent civilians or by unscrupulous government who are equally brutal" ( link). There's no real way to track which diamonds were supplied this way and which were dug by legitimate mines, so I don't want to buy any of them. Here's what the UN has to say about them. Wired did a really cool article about artificial diamonds. They mention that there would be quite a demand for "clean" diamonds, and how these technologies have De Beers very, very scared. I now return you to your regularly scheduled thread about commercials. |
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DARTHMADLER
Boomstick Coordinator
WARNING: Low Overhang
Posts: 215
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Post by DARTHMADLER on Nov 26, 2003 22:48:06 GMT -5
Hey Everyone!
Been trying to confirm this one in hopes of avoiding nightmares.
I think it's a Crest teeth whitening liquid that you apply at night. Anyways, it starts with this lady applying it to her teeth and then going to bed. It cuts to what I presume is a dream sequence where she is doing the Irish line dancing and she looks to her side and so help me God all the other dancers are William Shatner. This moment so horrified and stupified me that I missed the rest of the commercial. Mercifully I had the mute on at the time so the full horror couldn't render me unconcious.
Has anyone else seen this commercial? Could they please tell me that I am mistaken? Why, for the love of God, why Shatner?!?!
MA
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Post by Hucklebubba on Nov 27, 2003 1:29:45 GMT -5
I have seen the commercial of which you speak. However, details are fuzzy. I think I tried to block it out.
In other news, the DiGiorno commercial with the cross-dressing guy is unsettling, and yet strangely endearing all in the same breath.
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Post by PoolMan on Nov 27, 2003 9:49:06 GMT -5
Madler, I have NO idea what you're talking about, but I'm trying to decide whether to avoid TV altogether for a couple of months to miss it, or watch it 24 hours a day to CATCH it!
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