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Post by StarOpal on Mar 7, 2007 9:23:00 GMT -5
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said the woman to the lover, "into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him.
"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.
"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.
"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied.
"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards....."
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Post by StarOpal on Mar 26, 2007 12:40:33 GMT -5
Mrs. Smith was a hypochondriac. Dr. Jones was fed up with her constant complaints about non-existent illnesses, so he started palming her off with a mild sedative to keep her happy.
One day she complained about chest pains and the doctor prescribed his usual treatment. This time however, the pain was real and Mrs. Smith died of a heart attack.
On hearing of her death, Dr. Jones was so upset he died of shock. Mrs. Smith and Dr. Jones were buried next to each other in the cemetery.
The next morning, Dr. Jones heard a tapping on his coffin, followed by a voice saying, "Dr. Jones, this is Mrs. Smith. Do you have anything for worms?"
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Post by StarOpal on Apr 10, 2007 17:56:03 GMT -5
Two boys are talking...
Boy1: I have a crush on my teacher.
Boy2: Ew! Gross!
Boy1: What? Everyone has a crush on a teacher at some point.
Boy2: Yeah... But you're homeschooled.
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Post by TheOogieBoogieMan on Apr 12, 2007 12:21:53 GMT -5
A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely person walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no one will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?"
"I'm sure I can." the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch."
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Post by PoolMan on Apr 12, 2007 13:15:51 GMT -5
Hey Oogie? LOVE the Munchkin avatar. DUCK OF DOOM!
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Post by TheLuckyOne on Apr 12, 2007 16:35:46 GMT -5
As long as we're complimenting people's stuff- BlackCat, love the quote under your avatar. "The Scotsman," right?
Meanwhile, here's a joke you really have to tell in person:
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Gestapo."
"Gestapo who?"
*SLAP!* "Ve ask ze questions!"
-D
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Post by TheOogieBoogieMan on Apr 12, 2007 20:59:23 GMT -5
Hey Oogie? LOVE the Munchkin avatar. DUCK OF DOOM! There are a few of them on the munchkin website. I was torn between this one and a "chicken on your head" avatar. |
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Post by StarOpal on Apr 17, 2007 13:44:04 GMT -5
"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Gestapo." "Gestapo who?" *SLAP!* "Ve ask ze questions!" -D Thanks, Drew! I told this to my boss (he loves Knock Knock jokes) and he just laughed and laughed. For the rest of the day every time he saw me he'd say, "Ve ask ze questions!" and start laughing again. |
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Post by TheLuckyOne on Apr 17, 2007 14:23:45 GMT -5
The best part is, every time you tell it you get to slap somebody!
-D
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Post by pfrsue on Apr 17, 2007 14:43:37 GMT -5
Backfired on my kids. I guess they haven't covered WWII in history class yet. *sigh*
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Post by PoolMan on Apr 17, 2007 15:54:25 GMT -5
So... you just hit them, then?
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coccatino
Ghostbuster
whose baby are you?
Posts: 588
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Post by coccatino on Apr 17, 2007 16:34:52 GMT -5
So... you just hit them, then? I laughed much harder at that then I probably should have |
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Post by StarOpal on Apr 17, 2007 17:55:03 GMT -5
The best part is, every time you tell it you get to slap somebody! -D Well, since it was my boss, I opted for an interrogational slamming my hand down on his desk approach. More of a *WHAM* if you will. Somehow, I just don't see actually slapping him as going over so well. But I still made him jump pretty good. |
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Post by StarOpal on Apr 17, 2007 17:57:06 GMT -5
So... you just hit them, then? I laughed much harder at that then I probably should have Me too... *Shame* |
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Post by pfrsue on Apr 17, 2007 21:08:15 GMT -5
Hey, by the seventh grade I knew what the Gestapo was!
Mother of the Year award right out the window. *sigh*
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