The Rules of Boozing

[TheLuckyOne]

Gentlemen, pay attention to these closely...


14) If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

15) If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she accepts, she still might not like you.

16) If she buys you a drink, she likes you.


This is, by the way, true. Take it from someone whose wife asked him out to a bar for their first date.

-D

[sarahbot]

Spend the extra buck and get name vodka, gin, whatever in your drinks. Because they undoubtedly use the cheapest stuff available as the well alcohol. Learned this one the hard way, let me tell you. My local place uses Potter's vodka, which I'm pretty sure waved at a potato as it was being poured out of the rubbing alcohol bottle. (No offense to those who like Potter's, of course. Diff'rent strokes, etc.)

[TheLuckyOne]

17) If someone offers to buy you a drink, do not upgrade your liquor preference.

18) Always keep a corkscrew in your house.

19) If you don't have a corkscrew, push the cork down into the bottle with a pen.

20) Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.


-D

[coccatino]

theluckyone said:

20) Drink one girly drink in public and you will forever be known as the guy who drinks girly drinks.

Appletini... easy on the tini...

[PoolMan]

theluckyone said:

14) If you offer to buy a woman a drink and she refuses, she does not like you.

Eh, I don't know. I married the last woman who refused to let me buy her a drink!

[TheLuckyOne]

poolman said:

Eh, I don't know. I married the last woman who refused to let me buy her a drink!

I know. And I've hung out with her- trust me, she doesn't like you.

-D

[drew]

I am a firm believer in starting a tab, even if I'm only going to have one or two drinks... I can't think of a time when I've only had one or two drinks, but I'm sure it'll happen someday. Anyway, onto the magic of starting a tab.

- You get your drinks quicker, even if it's only by thirty seconds.
- It forces the bartenders to learn your name. This is key if you frequent a particular bar like I do.
- You'll find that your tab is getting smaller and smaller, even if you order the same number of drinks. God bless friendly bartenders.

I am also a firm believer in paying my tab in cash if possible. First of all, you won't get a reminder in a few weeks of how much money you spent on the girl who probably forgot your name. Also, the bartender gets his or her tip in cash. This is key.

[drew]

And some non-tab related rules/suggestions:

Unless you honestly wanted one anyway, never buy a shot from a "shot girl". I know that she's hot, but that's why she's walking around the bar selling shots of Jägermeister in the first place.

You can usually tell after five seconds whether or not the bartender knows how to make "cutesy" shots (Oatmeal Cookie, Incredible Hulk, etc.). Don't order them if you don't think the bartender knows how to make them. Your relationship with the bartender will forever be awkward from this point on.

Official etiquette for somebody buying you a drink (with only friendly intentions) is as follows:
"Can I get you a drink"
"Sure I'll have another (whatever you just finished, no upgrading)"

Then:
"What do I owe you?"
"Don't worry about it."

Then you cleverly buy his or her next drink. Don't prattle on about wanting to give somebody three bucks back for a beer. Always offer, assuming the buyer will say no. If he or she accepts the money, he or she sucks.


I feel the need that this thread needs a solid DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE. We've all proven ourselves to be smarter than that at some point or another.

[mrhat2nd]

21) Thou shall not discuss the trinity ( Politics, Religion and Work) at the watering hole.

[drew]

Just posting 'em as they come to me.

Being a man who just recently spent a year living with four friends across the street from a bar, I've got the following down to a science.

Settling Debts at the Bar:

- Owing somebody ONE drink does not officially carry over to the next night, but you should repay it anyway because it will be remembered.
- Owing somebody SEVERAL drinks always carries over, but a few drinks may be lost in the exchange.
- Repaying drink for drink does not have to be equal in dollar value, as long as everybody is drinking "the usual" and not upgrading or downgrading.
- If you owe somebody money and you see him or her at the bar, you must repay.
- Assuming only a friend would owe you money, if you see somebody who owes you money at the bar, it is OK to ask for it.
- If you and a friend who owes you money have gone to the bar together, you may ask for that money until you set foot in the bar (or began drinking elsewhere). It is then taboo for the rest of the night.
- Repaying a cash debt in drinks is acceptable only if agreed upon by both parties in a sober state before heading to the bar.
- This may also be done retroactively, but may only be suggested by the person who is owed money. (i.e. "consider those beers payment for the $5 you owe me")
- If a cash debt is repaid in drinks, do not expect the amount of repayment to add up to the penny.
- If, at the end of the night, the amount of money still owed is within one drink, it's gone.
- Repaying a drink debt in cash is tacky both to offer and accept.

Feel free to add your own. I've settled many a utility bill with these rules.

Forgive my over-indulgence in posting in this thread. I have a soft spot for creating and discussing "Man Law" type rules.

[mrhat2nd]

22) Having a drink spilled on you is not grounds for "stupid drunken exercise" (fighting).

[TheLuckyOne]

21) Our parents were better drinkers than we are.

22) Never talk to someone in the restroom unless you're doing the same thing -- urinating, waiting in line, or washing your hands.

23) Girls hang out, apply makeup, and have long talks in the bathroom. Men do not.

24) After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.

25) It is only permissible to shout "woo-hoo!" if you are doing a shot with four or more people.

26) If there is a DJ, you can request a song only once per night. If he doesn't play it within half an hour, do not approach him again. If he does play it, do not approach him again.

27) Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You'll be surprised how well it works.


-D

[TheLuckyOne]

28) If you can't afford to tip, you can't afford to drink in a bar. Go to a liquor store.

(You'd think this would be obvious, but I have a friend who doesn't tip at bars because they're just serving drinks, not food. We... don't go to bars together anymore.)

29) If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.

30) Never complain about the quality of a free drink.


-D

[TheLuckyOne]

31) If you have been roommates with someone more than six months, you may drink his beer, even if it's hidden, so long as you leave him one.

32) You can sneak a shot of your roommate's hard liquor only if the cap has been cracked and the bottle goes for less than $25.

33) The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.


-D

[TheLuckyOne]

34) If you bring cheap beer to a party, you must drink at least two cans before you start drinking the imported beer in the fridge.

35) Learn to appreciate hangovers. If it was all good times, every jackass would be doing it.


-D