The Rules of Boozing

[TheLuckyOne]

56) Screaming "Someone buy me a drink!" has never worked.

57) For every drink, there is a 5 percent better chance you will get into a fight. There is also a 3 percent better chance you will lose that fight.

58) Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.

59) If you are broke and a friend is "sporting you," you must laugh at all his jokes and play wingman when he makes his move.

60) If you are broke and a friend is "making sport of you," you may steal any drink he leaves unattended.


-D

[StarOpal]

Messing with the mind of an extremely drunk person, while evil, is also hilarious.

While drunk, if the words, "Hey, watch this!" leave your mouth 1) it's too late to stop and 2) you won't live down whatever you're about to do for a long time, if ever.

[LadyStarblade]

When you are so drunk that you can no longer even *hold* a beer, you've had enough.

[TheLuckyOne]

61) Never rest your head on a tabletop or bar. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.

62) If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you're ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync, you will end up buying more drinks than him.


-D

[Big T]

Here's a lesson I heard the hard way:
If you are asked to join a drinking game and everyone is drinking beer, make sure that you are as well. I joined one while drinking rum and coke (why's the rum always gone?) and seeing as I am a cheap drunk anyways, I was feeling really bad before the game was even over.
If you can hold your liquor though, you may kindly disregard this warning.

[mrhat2nd]

Never get so drunk that you start to lose your clothing. This will come back to haunt you...

The hotter the woman the better chance that the bouncer is already hitting on her........

Trust me if your bartender is hot s/he is already off the market.......(learned from expirience)

[LadyStarblade]

If tipsy enough to suggest that fruit soaked in Everclear for 24 hours could be flammable, at least be sober enough to knock the lighter from someone's hand when they inevitably decide to give it a try.

[TheLuckyOne]

63) If you're going to hit on a member of the bar staff, make sure you tip well before and after, regardless of his or her response.

64) The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.


-D

[drew]

I'm sure most of you have heard this, but it's one of my favorite quotes:

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."
- Ernest Hemingway

[TheLuckyOne]

65) Before you die, single-handedly make one decent martini.

66) Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, "I'm an idiot."


-D

[TheLuckyOne]

67) Never ask a bartender, "What's good tonight?" They do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.

68) If there is a line for drinks, get your damn drink and step the hell away from the bar.


-D

[TheLuckyOne]

69) If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.

70) The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters. Except you get to sleep with these sisters. And if you're really drunk, the mothers.


-D

[TheLuckyOne]

71) It's acceptable -- traditional, in fact -- to disappear during a night of hard drinking. You will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.

72) Never argue your tab at the end of the night. Remember, you're hammered and they're sober. 99.9 percent of the time you're wrong, and either way you're going to come off as a jackass.


-D

[TheLuckyOne]

-73) If you bring booze to a party, you must drink it or leave it.

74) If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you, you do not deserve a drink.


-D

[LadyStarblade]

Coconut rum and Zima do *not* mix.

Do not try to close a large pink tiki umbrella while drunk. You will close yourself in it.

(why, I'm not speaking from personal experience...nosireebob...)