The Rules of Boozing

[TheLuckyOne]

36) If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender's guide and browse through all the drinks you've never tried.

37) Try one new drink each week.


-D

[coccatino]

theluckyone said:

36) If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender's guide and browse through all the drinks you've never tried.
37) Try one new drink each week.

Haha, as a mental health professional, I can't tell you how strongly I must urge you against drinking while depressed. It inevitably leads to very very bad things. Please follow Drew's advice and try a new drink each week, not each half-hour.

</PSA>

[DocD83]

as a mental health professional, I can't tell you how strongly I must urge you against drinking while depressed.

But drinking helps me forget why I'm depressed!

[TheLuckyOne]

coccatino said:

Haha, as a mental health professional, I can't tell you how strongly I must urge you against drinking while depressed. It inevitably leads to very very bad things.

Can we still drink if our wife done left us an' our hound dog died?


38) If you are the bar's sole customer, you are obliged to make small talk with the bartender until he stops acknowledging you. Then you're off the hook. The same goes for him.

39) Never tip with coins that have touched you. If your change is $1.50, you can tell the barmaid to keep the change, but once she has handed it to you, you cannot give it back. To a bartender or cocktail waitress, small change has no value.

40) If you have ever told a bartender, "Hey, it all spends the same," then you are a cheap ass.


-D

[TheLuckyOne]

41) Anyone on stage or behind a bar is 50 percent better looking.

42) You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.


-D

[PoolMan]

theluckyone said:

42) You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.

Is THAT why you have that cupholder chin strap?

[TheLuckyOne]

43) A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.

44) Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.

45) It's okay to drink alone.

46) After three drinks, you will forget a woman's name two seconds after she tells you. The rest of the night you will call her "baby" or "darling."


-D

[TheLuckyOne]

47) Nothing screams "nancy boy" louder than swirling an oversized brandy snifter.

48) Men don't drink from straws. Unless you're doing a Mind Eraser or Face Eraser.


-D

[TheLuckyOne]

49) If you do a shot, finish it. If you don't plan to finish it, don't accept it.

50) Never brood in a dance bar. Never dance in a dive bar.


-D

[drew]

All bouncers.... ALL OF THEM... are jerks. A bouncer might be nice to you if you are one of the regulars (or have big gazoongas), but generally, he is a jerk on a power trip.

Never go out of your way to "get your money's worth" at an "all you can drink for a set price" event. You'll get there without ordering a glass of JD on the rocks.

If you're a man, it is disrespectful to decline a shot that somebody else is buying. The only exceptions are if you're driving or KNOW (not think) you will vomit if you take said shot. This only holds true at a bar, however. The person who bought the bottle isn't really "buying you a shot" if you're sitting in his family room.

For men, ordering a glass of wine is only OK with dinner. Otherwise you're putting yourself up there with "straw guy" and "snifter of brandy guy".

[mrhat2nd]

I may be a buzz (or Topic) kill but I am far from being a jerk. As for the power trip, yes most of them are, it was rare that I did something like that. I am currently out of the game but I have bounced and was probably the most plesant that you would find. At my size I can afford to be plesant.

[drew]

mrhat2nd said:

I may be a buzz (or Topic) kill but I am far from being a jerk. As for the power trip, yes most of them are, it was rare that I did something like that. I am currently out of the game but I have bounced and was probably the most plesant that you would find. At my size I can afford to be plesant.

Of course the word "all" was an exaggeration. This is just my experience from going predominantly to the only college bar in town. The bouncers knew that we had nowhere else to go, so they could treat us however they wanted. Plus, I'm sure dealing with all of the fake IDs put them in a sour mood (this bar actually cared about and was good about spotting fakes). Also, they used to show up at my parties a.) with a sense of entitlement and b.) like we were buddies. I'm sure bouncing in the real world is a lot different than it is in the college world.

[TheLuckyOne]

51) Never play more than three songs by the same artist in a row.

52) Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don't know.

53) Your songs will come on as you're leaving the bar.


-D

[TheLuckyOne]

54) Never lie in a bar. You may, however, grossly exaggerate and lean.

55) If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.


-D

[Spiderdancer]

In re: bouncers:

Dunno about college, since I haven't hung out in bars much, but I have a friend who goes clubbing (she likes to dance) and who swears by the bouncers at her favorite places. Without them, there would be no way for a single woman to keep drunken horny guys from (graphic details deleted) sexually harassing her other than doing things that would cause her to get arrested herself for assault.

And here's one to add to the list of boozing rules:

Don't ask me to ballroom dance with you with booze breath or I will kill you.

Especially if it's tango.