Hey, Did You Hear The One About The...

[StarOpal]

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, another man comes down and asked if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No", he said, "the seat is empty".

"This is incredible", said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sports event in the world, and not use it?"

Somberly, the man says, "Well... the seat actually belongs to me. I was supposed to come here with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head, "No. They're all at the funeral."

[TheLuckyOne]

An Irish man shows up in a bar one day and orders three pints of Guinness. He takes sips from each glass until they're empty and calls the bartender for three more. The bartender says, "It's up to you, but wouldn't you rather I brought them one at a time? Then they'll be fresh and cold."

"Thank ye kindly," the man says, "but I'm preferrin' that yeh bring 'em three at a time. You see, back in Dublin, me and me two brothers would meet at a pub and drink and have good times. Now one is in Australia, the other in Canada and I'm here. We agreed before we split up that every day, we'd drink to each other's honour this way."

"Well," says the bartender, "that's a grand thing to do, all right. I'll bring the pints as you ask."

Well, time goes on and the man's peculiar habit comes to be known and accepted by all the regulars. One day though, he comes in and orders only two pints. A hush falls over the bar. A group of the regulars corner the bartender and finally persuade him to find out what happened. With a heavy heart, the bartender brings the two pints and says, "Here's your drinks... and let me offer my sincerest condolences. What happened?"

The Irish man looks extremely puzzled for a moment, and then starts laughing. "Oh, no, no, no! 'Tis nothing like that. You see, I've given up drinking for Lent."

-D

[TheLuckyOne]

An Irishman has been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the pub is closed, so your man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He crawls home, and reaching the door he tries to stand up; yet again, he falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he summons the last of his strength and tries one final time to stand... it's no use. He tumbles into bed and is soon fast asleep, only to awaken the next morning to the sound of his wife standing over him shouting.

"So, you've been out drinking again!"

"How did you know?" he asks, his head hung in shame.

"The pub called -- you left your damn wheelchair there again!"

-D

[TheLuckyOne]

An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub. Each orders a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and land -- one, two, three -- in each of their drinks.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and asks for another.

The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

The Irishman reaches into the glass, grabs the fly between his fingers and shakes him as hard as he can, shouting "Spit it out, yeh bloody bastard! Spit it out!"

-D

[Al]

So... bashing the Irish much?

[TheLuckyOne]

You say bashing, I say joking with much affection. (Hell, I'm something like 1/8th Irish myself.) Anyone who's all about drinking, eating potatoes, and kissing a random chunk of rock are my kind of people.

-D

[Head Mutant]

I'm fine with the bashing. Why do they deserve a holiday while the Italians go unnoticed? And, no, Thanksgiving isn't our holiday, even with all the food.

[Al]

Well, yeah, but do you really want the same sort of holiday that plays into negative stereotypes? Murdering, Uneducated, Pasta-Slurping Day?

I've never been a champion of political correctness, but when the primo holiday gift item is a t-shirt that says 'Let's Get Ready to Stumble,' I don't have to be Irish to feel a bit put off by it.

[TheLuckyOne]

Stereotypes are never good, but I can think of a lot worse ones than that you're a deeply religious people who like to drink, curse, fight, and ****.

But then again, I'm mostly Norwegian... the only things we know how to do are loot and pillage, and compensate by being really good-looking. (With an unfortunate tendency to, um, commit suicide.)

-D

[Hucklebubba]

gunslingeral said:

Well, yeah, but do you really want the same sort of holiday that plays into negative stereotypes? Murdering, Uneducated, Pasta-Slurping Day?

Hey, who you callin' pasta-slurping?

Says the guy who is not at all Italian. I am remarkably hairy, however, which I think qualifies me for a work visa, or something.

[pfrsue]

Considering that my family tree sports Polish, German, Irish, English and Welsh, and that my last name is currently Americanized Polish (dooming my children, if anyone knew), I should probably stay out of this and go mock myself quietly in a corner. ;D

[coccatino]

As an Irish-Scottish-English-Welsch-Italian-German-Polish-Swedish-Norweigan-Native American I should be over in the corner with Sue.
However, I will say- I went to Ireland on my Honeymoon, and the majority of Irish folk I met really Love silly Irish jokes. I heard a lot of them while I was there, including several that I can't post to the forum. They're a laid back people with a great sense of humor (if I might stereotype, HAHA! ).

In any event- the Irish jokes in no way offended me, they just made me want to go watch Boondock Saints, which I plan to do this evening.

[StarOpal]

Well, as a half Irish(Orange on one side's half and Black on the other. They hated eachother!)/half German, and born and early raised in Italy, I'm not offended. In fact, if anything the Scot and the Irishman should be switched in the fly joke if you're going to stick properly to the stereotypes.

But yeah, in my experience, Irish love Irish jokes.

And Italians have Valentine's Day. Either for it's naked whippings beginnings (now there's a holiday that started out a whole lot more interesting)... or massacres.

[TheLuckyOne]

If it helps any, Al, I got all the jokes from an Irish website.

Erin Go Bragh!

-D

[Al]

I didn't mean to derail the thread like this and I appear to be coming off more hostile than I actually am, I just can't help but get a little annoyed thinking about the stereotypes that the general public give a pass to versus the ones that are held as horrifying and wrong. As an Italian who doesn't look it, I'm constantly disappointed to hear the 'uneducated, hairy, and violent' chestnut pop from the minds and mouths of people who are otherwise thoughtful, intelligent, and good-natured. (Fun Fact: Did you know Margaret Sanger created Planned Parenthood in part because of her fear that Italians would reproduce too much?) We all know that explaining behavior because of a race or a religion is insulting, and "Oh, you know those [Italians/Irish/Indians/etc]..." shouldn't ever be acceptable.

Well, if we shadows have offended, right? My apologies for getting on a soapbox here and I certainly know no harm is meant, this is just one of those little things that eats at me from time to time.

All parties may resume levity... ... ...now.