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Post by PoolMan on Mar 26, 2006 11:46:32 GMT -5
Welcome to the forum, Oymre, and congratulations on an avatar of significant awesomeness.
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Post by pfrsue on Mar 26, 2006 21:22:24 GMT -5
Pooly should like this one.
Son: I wonder where all those Canada Geese are going?
Me: What are they?
Son: Canada Geese.
Me: What are they?
Son: Canada- Oh.
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Post by Head Mutant on Mar 27, 2006 8:09:07 GMT -5
They could be trying to escape...
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Post by PoolMan on Mar 27, 2006 13:14:15 GMT -5
Ah, now that's funny.
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Post by Head Mutant on Apr 11, 2006 16:24:37 GMT -5
Caramel asked me to help her write up some eBay lots for romance novels. As I am not an expert on this type of literature, I produced the following:
================
Imagine the best sex you ever had. Yeah. That’s the ticket. Now, imagine that sex with TURBO CHARGED ROCKET BOOSTERS attached! If you can get that in your puny head, then you might begin to comprehend how earth-shakingly awesome Maeve Binchy’s raunch-filled novels are! It’s erotica at the speed of light!
True fact: one woman in Pennsylvania even got pregnant reading a Binchy novel.
Mmhmm.
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Post by duckie on Apr 11, 2006 21:39:36 GMT -5
Caramel asked me to help her write up some eBay lots for romance novels. As I am not an expert on this type of literature, I produced the following: ================ Imagine the best sex you ever had. Yeah. That’s the ticket. Now, imagine that sex with TURBO CHARGED ROCKET BOOSTERS attached! If you can get that in your puny head, then you might begin to comprehend how earth-shakingly awesome Maeve Binchy’s raunch-filled novels are! It’s erotica at the speed of light! True fact: one woman in Pennsylvania even got pregnant reading a Binchy novel. Mmhmm. To be honest, she put down the book long enough to get pregnant  Oh wait, you WERE talking about Lissa, right??? ;D |
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Post by Spiderdancer on Apr 11, 2006 23:41:54 GMT -5
The ones I look at the backs/covers of go more like this:
CAPTIVE OF PASSION
Clarissa was a lonely child of rich parents, sought by many, loved by few. Then she found herself a prisoner of the Sheik of Bangamor - a man known for his dark secrets and hidden passions. Now will she find escape - or a throbbing passion greater than any she has ever known? Feel your pulse quicken as you find out in this incredibly passionate novel by Barbara Valerie St. John, author of "Prisoner of Lust."
This being the kind you get on those Zebra/Harlequin ones with the woman leaning back in a very uncomfortable position while the man holds her against his hairy chest and leans toward her heaving bosom. The Victoria Holt-type ones are too hard to parody because they go on forEVER.
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Post by Head Mutant on Apr 12, 2006 7:01:07 GMT -5
Yeah, there are the "softer" and more "hardcore" romance novels, apparently. The softer ones can be identified by one or more of the following on the cover/back:
* The word "wedding"
* The word "bride", often preceeded by the word "reluctant"
* A baby. Babies are freaking EVERYWHERE in these books.
* Italian anybodies.
* The word "daddy"
* Cowboys.
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Post by sarahbot on Apr 12, 2006 9:38:38 GMT -5
* A baby. Babies are freaking EVERYWHERE in these books. Secret babies! They have to be secret babies! Bonus if the mother has amnesia and has to figure out the father is. |
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Post by pfrsue on Apr 12, 2006 10:24:40 GMT -5
Or brooding heros who have been blinded "in the line of duty".
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Post by Spiderdancer on Apr 12, 2006 17:21:00 GMT -5
I used to amuse myself and Siblings 1 and 2 while I was in college by trooping down to my local Borders and writing down the funnier romance titles. Apparently some people will buy anything if it suggests it contains a man who is rich, foreign or ideally both. Actual titles from memory:
In the Spaniard's Bed
The Billionaire's Bride
Sleeping with the Sheik
The Italian Count's Lover
No doubt coming soon:
I Married an Al Qaeda Operative
The Sultan of Brunei's New Mistress
Loving Prince Charles
El Presidente's Baby Affair
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Post by StarOpal on Apr 13, 2006 11:55:38 GMT -5
The twin stories always bugged me. Like, even though they're complete opposites no one EVER figures it out, and even though they're in their 20s/30s, they still wear their hair the same and are the same weight.
Except boy and girl twins. You can't even tell they're related.
Am I the only one who finds the idea of sleeping with someone while pretending to be your sister creepy?
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Post by TheLuckyOne on Apr 13, 2006 12:20:35 GMT -5
Or brooding heros who have been blinded "in the line of duty". "In the line of duty." Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.  Whenever I have to reshelve the romance section at B&N, I'll just stare at the shelf devoted to the "series" romances and think to myself, "Every last one of these took the author all of two days to crank out, and s/he probably got paid about a hundred bucks. Does they really even deserve ISBN numbers?" -D |
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Post by StarOpal on Apr 18, 2006 20:50:05 GMT -5
Affirmations for Personal Growth
1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.
5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.
7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.
8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.
9. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
10. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.
11. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
12. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.
13. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
14. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
15. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.
16. I am at one with my duality.
17. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
18. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
19. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.
20. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.
21. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"
22. False hope is better than no hope at all.
23. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.
24. Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute. . . . I'll find someone.
26. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
27. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
28. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
29. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.
30. To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
31. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
32. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.
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Post by PoolMan on Apr 19, 2006 8:56:16 GMT -5
Yesterday at lunch we were kidding around that my white, bald friend Dylan looks like Vin Diesel.
Me: You're at least three quarters Vin Diesel, man!
Marc: That must make you unleaded.
I thought of Lissa instantly.
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