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Post by PoolMan on Sept 15, 2003 10:40:05 GMT -5
Consider it preparation for the day you finally live with a girl (assuming that's your thing). <Palpatine voice> You will hear a great many things. </Palpatine voice> |
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Post by Al on Sept 25, 2003 21:03:53 GMT -5
This is less 'heard' and more 'saw', but it's funny regardless. I finally managed to find a job late last month working in a bookstore a few towns over. Besides being the community bookstore, it also serves as the college store for the local university, Wesleyan, and supplies most of the textbooks and Wesleyan clothing for the students. Not too long ago, the merchandise manager recieved a large shipment of brand-new hats for the college crew team and, against her wishes, they were put out for sale. Why was it against her wishes? The limited space on the hat won't allow for 'Wesleyan Crew', so it was shortened to simply read 'WESCREW' in giant red lettering. To date, they're the best selling items in the store.
Al
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Post by Hucklebubba on Sept 25, 2003 23:20:36 GMT -5
Said by me to a co-worker, regarding the Veggietales series:
"What's the deal with the French Peas? There seems to be an unlimited number of them, and they generally lack individual personalities. They're a hive mind, I tell you."
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Post by Head Mutant on Oct 3, 2003 18:09:45 GMT -5
homepage.mac.com/dleheny/Wow. MRFH has been bested. This is easily the greatest movie review site in existence. Best quote: "And although 99% of the time, [other movie critics] had really nice things to say about the movies they reviewed (and they use lots of great adjectives and punctuation!!!), sometimes they were really mean, like to Meg Ryan movies and stuff." Also: "Anyway, the point is that sometimes I don't see or hear the things in the movie all that well, and I don't remember what I've seen. So sometimes my movie reviews seem kind of confusing to people who have seen the movies because what I am talking about doesn't seem related to what they watched."
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Post by Head Mutant on Oct 3, 2003 18:35:01 GMT -5
Some more quotes... this site is too funny. I don't know if it's because he seems so clueless, or so really messed up, or that he doesn't call any movie by its actual name (my favorite was "Hannibal: A Love Story").
On A.I.:
"On a scale of four or five stars, I give A.I. ten stars, five for Spielberg and five for Kubrick. Hooray!!!"
On A Knight's Tale:
"WHEN I was a child, I was taken to a doctor who asked me why I sometimes hurt small animals... my parents kept me away from small animals, primarily by locking me in my room and feeding me a steady diet of Ho-Ho's and Kool-Aid through a little slot in the door for about two years. "
Same film:
"This is the sweatiest, manliest, most appealing film I've seen in years, and it deserves to be awarded every major cinematic honor."
Again, about Heath Ledger:
"He is amazingly handsome, with a strong, jutting jaw; a proudly furrowed brow; haunting, lovely blue eyes; a rich, strokable mane of blonde hair; a powerful torso, which we see naked in one scene, probably the greatest scene I have ever seen in all my life; a lithe but still imposing frame; manly biceps; beautiful eyes, and his hair, and his jaw, and his hair, and his torso, and his hair, and oh oh god ohgodohgod.jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj"
On Fight Club:
" I would like to point out that I won't be talking about Fightin' Club. I'll be writing about it :-)."
Again, Fight Club:
"All the best film reviewing spots are currently being given to women and minorities, and even after my review of last year's Blade, with Wesley Snipes as a vampire-killing vampire halfbreed, I have been unable to find steady work."
On Die Another Day:
"LET'S face it: England's on a roll. First they won the Falklands War, then they successfully killed that troublemaking princess, and now a new James Bond movie - Die Another Time! "
On Shaft:
"speaking of which, what the heck happened to Siskel? He hasn't been on in ages!"
On Star Wars: AOTC:
"You know, ha ha, the word "Clone" is in the title, so I will make a funny pun of it. Well, what if I do that with some movie you like, like "You have to be Patient to watch The English Patient "? See how that feels? Hurts, doesn't it?"
On the Oscars:
"The big winner was, of course, the musical Chicago directed by Wisconsin native Rob Marshall, which proves that there is a God, and that He is probably a gay man."
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Post by PoolMan on Oct 3, 2003 23:45:20 GMT -5
Wow. Just WOW. I love this site.
On Freddy Vs Jason:
"In Freddy vs. Jason, the screenwriters come up with a brilliant way to get both monsters together. What if it wasn't just teenagers who were having sex, drinking a lot, and even smoking pot, but actually teenagers on Elm Street doing all of these things? These two monsters are drawn to them like moths to wool, with Freddy killing them in their sleep and Jason getting them while they're awake. It helps to think of this in pro wrestling terms."
I think I have a shiny new bookmark! Thanks Justin!
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Post by Head Mutant on Oct 4, 2003 7:43:01 GMT -5
Don't thank me, thank Cruel Site Of The Day. Ahh.
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Post by Head Mutant on Oct 14, 2003 13:52:09 GMT -5
My girlfriend (reading her e-mail and getting kind of really pissed off:
"Why do I get these things? 'Watch secretaries get wild in the office'? I mean, what the hell?"
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Post by Head Mutant on Oct 26, 2003 23:30:31 GMT -5
Me: I miss college.
Bob: [DEAD serious] I miss the learning...
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Post by Head Mutant on Nov 1, 2003 18:16:42 GMT -5
[about the aurora borealis]
Alex: It's like the night sky becomes a really awesome screen-saver...
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Post by jenfrazer on Nov 2, 2003 0:40:55 GMT -5
My father bought me sensory glasses last week. Basically, they're sunglasses with LCD lights in the lenses that flash in a pattern. When you have your eyes closed, it's also just like a screen-saver. Neat, huh?
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Post by PoolMan on Nov 5, 2003 21:47:11 GMT -5
My Fiancée: Sesame Street taught me how to count to twenty in Spanish!
Me: Sesame Street taught ME how to count to twelve like a black vocal jazz ensemble!
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Post by DocD83 on Nov 13, 2003 22:40:37 GMT -5
(This incident is edited slightly to remove names.)
One of my room mates broke one of his guitar strings the other day, so he replaced the whole set (apparently that's a good idea), and when he was done came out to the living room and asked my other room mate if he wanted the old strings to kill anyone with.
In my ongoing effort to totally freak these guys out, I said, "Oh, I could use that. I have a couple enemies."
"I'm not giving them to you."
"You were going to give them to him."
"I'm fairly certain he won't kill ME with them."
"I won't either--I've got something else planned for you."
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Post by Head Mutant on Nov 25, 2003 21:57:17 GMT -5
Me: Missionaries aren't necessarily nuns. Where do you think the term "Missionary Position" comes from?
Girlfriend: Naughty nuns?
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Post by Lissa on Nov 26, 2003 12:38:27 GMT -5
I sprained my knee or strained a tendon or something in the Turkey Trot I ran in yesterday, but since I was the only woman running and I finished, I won. I went to the hospital this morning, and was telling the nurse what happened. After he gave me a mock stern look about hurting myself in something called a Turkey Trot, I pointed out that I DID win a turkey! His response was "Yeah, the most expensive turkey your health insurance ever paid for!"
On the counting-my-blessings side, as I was waiting for the doctor in the ER a man died from cardiac arrest. I could hear his wife crying from my room. It really, really, really put things into immediate sharp perspective.
Everyone have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and count those blessings!
Lissa
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