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Post by Head Mutant on Feb 16, 2004 22:15:01 GMT -5
Me: I'm gonna go lie down... my brain is fried...
Med School Girlfriend: You can't fry a brain, it's almost 100% fat. It would melt.
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BDC
Ghostbuster
Posts: 372
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Post by BDC on Feb 17, 2004 2:23:18 GMT -5
From a retreat this past weekend:
"Northern Italy has been impoverished for centuries. They use car fenders and such to build their houses there." -Our director, Ken
"If it's been poor for so long, wouldn't they use chariot fenders?" -friend named Alicia
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Post by DocD83 on Mar 10, 2004 22:55:07 GMT -5
I went to a nice Italian restaurant the other day with my whole family. The place is decorated heavily with Catholic statues, images, and whatnot. Most people find it somewhat unnerving. Anyway, my grandmother was sitting at the head of the table facing away from a short glass case holding several statues of Jesus. Now, the one in particular sitting directly behind my grandmother must have been a factory second, because all he needed in his outstreched hands to look like a rapist was a rag and a bottle of chloroform. So I told my grandmother,"Don't look now, but Jesus is sneaking up on you."
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I hope this one needs less explanation online than it did in real life:
My mom has the nasty habit of washing any waterglass that's sitting unattended. Well, maybe it isn't really a nasty habit, but if you like to reuse your glasses it can be irritating. Once, when my glass disappeared, I asked, "Where'd my glass go? Scotland?"
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Does anyone else find it somewhat conceited of me that every quip I post is mine?#nosmileys
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Post by DocD83 on Apr 6, 2004 18:42:35 GMT -5
Since I killed this thread I'm going to try to revive it.
At a party the other day there was a minor argument. It wasn't serious, and it didn't involve me so I don't know what it was about, I just heard "Hey, come on man, you wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?"
"You don't have glasses on your nuts."
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I have a friend who likes to walk up to people and say totally off the wall stuff, just to see what would happen. He came up to me and said, "I'm tired of all your sex games!"
"Oh, sorry. You want to be the slave next time?"
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Post by PoolMan on Apr 6, 2004 19:48:16 GMT -5
"You don't have glasses on your nuts." Now THAT is the best laugh I've had in a while. That's damn funny. ;D |
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Post by funkymartini on Apr 7, 2004 21:40:47 GMT -5
I hope this one needs less explanation online than it did in real life: My mom has the nasty habit of washing any waterglass that's sitting unattended. Well, maybe it isn't really a nasty habit, but if you like to reuse your glasses it can be irritating. Once, when my glass disappeared, I asked, "Where'd my glass go? Scotland?"  ----- *My sister when watching FOTR* "Do they really make rings like that?" |
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Post by DocD83 on Apr 8, 2004 22:04:23 GMT -5
Is that frowning face an "I don't get it" frown or an "I would slap you if you said that within earshot of me" frown?
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Post by Lissa on Apr 9, 2004 7:19:53 GMT -5
Had a wierd one yesterday. I was sitting with some coworkers and we were talking about Condi Rice testifying, and complaining amongst ourselves about all the fingerpointing and stuff that's clogging the news. With a perfectly straight face, the one gentleman that comes from Beijing said, "This never would have happened in Communist China!" Hey, it made us laugh  |
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Post by funkymartini on Apr 9, 2004 19:56:41 GMT -5
Is that frowning face an "I don't get it" frown or an "I would slap you if you said that within earshot of me" frown? Both? j/k, I don't get it |
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Post by DocD83 on Apr 9, 2004 20:41:23 GMT -5
Oh..."where'd my glass go" -> "glass go" -> "Glasgow"
You'll probably want to slap me now.
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Post by PoolMan on Apr 11, 2004 11:26:00 GMT -5
Oh, now I get it too! I just thought you were making a non sequitor. Guess it would have helped to hear it said out loud.
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Post by funkymartini on Apr 11, 2004 13:09:43 GMT -5
Oh..."where'd my glass go" -> "glass go" -> "Glasgow" You'll probably want to slap me now. haha, no I actually thought it was funny. Cheesy jokes are awesome. --------- A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking'. |
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Post by DocD83 on Apr 11, 2004 13:23:52 GMT -5
Hmm, now I'm wondering how many of the jokes I make here just don't translate. Glad you liked it though funkymartini. Here's another:
Descartes walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you anything?"
Descartes replies, "I think not."
And he disappears.
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Post by duckie on Apr 11, 2004 14:34:08 GMT -5
Keep up the jokes, DocD83... you just can't hear my groans ;D
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Post by duckie on Apr 11, 2004 14:36:20 GMT -5
This isn't something I heard, but rather something I came across on the web today... Why God Never Received Tenure at a University 1. Because he had only one major publication. 2. And it was in Hebrew. 3. And it had no cited references. 4. And it wasn't published in a refereed journal or even submitted for peer review. 5. And some even doubt he wrote it himself. 6. It may be true that he created the world but what has he done since? 7. The scientific community has had a very rough time trying to replicate his results. 8. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book. 9. He expelled his first two students for learning. 10. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests. 11. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top. |
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