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Post by Head Mutant on Dec 1, 2003 11:27:18 GMT -5
From a girl's e-mail about the PCU site:
"But I must confess that I perused it for the main advantage of seeing more Jon Favreau images--Gutter was my first love, you see: the stupefied innocence, soft boyish puppy-dog face, and fleshy biceps always got my blood pumping (don't smirk--I'm serious). When Jon was fat and in dreads, he was Adonis, sex god of the liquid night."
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Post by dajaymann on Dec 1, 2003 12:47:17 GMT -5
Me and the Wife watched The Hulk on DVD the other night.
Me: He's just like the Jolly Green Giant...ON PMS!!!
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Post by Head Mutant on Dec 31, 2003 18:37:05 GMT -5
Couple quotes for youse guyse (particularly because quoting one`s self is so humble).
[This one was during the second of two Christmas eve sermons I did, this one being at 11:00pm where I was very tired and was a little punchy doing the same sermon for a second time.]
ME: And then the angels, who were so excited to finally announce the Messiah`s birth, burst out from the heavens singing at the top of their lungs. It knocked the poor shepherds to the ground scared for their lives... and this is where the term ``Shepherd`s pie`` comes from...
[Pause, then laughter and some accusing glares at a Christmas eve poop joke.]
.........
Girlfriend: It`s so COLD today!
Me: Yeah, well, we`re in Montreal. Ten miles below the arctic circle, and no sun in sight for six months now...
Girlfriend: Stop that!
Me: WATCH OUT! [grabs her arm] Glacier!
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BDC
Ghostbuster
Posts: 372
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Post by BDC on Jan 2, 2004 21:44:11 GMT -5
I'm 6'3, my girl and her best friend are 5'2 and 5'1 respectively. They ask me to change a lightbulb. I am, of course, a wiseguy in doing so.
Friend: That was mean.
My girl: We're revoking your honorary membership of the Short People's Club.
Me: That's fine, I never could fit in the clubhouse anyway.
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Post by Lissa on Jan 7, 2004 14:34:58 GMT -5
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Post by Lissa on Jan 15, 2004 6:52:39 GMT -5
I've been meaning to post this one for a bit... hubby sent it to me. Some are okay, but some are hysterical. This just seemed the right forum for it.
What NOT to do at Return of the King (or other LOTR movies)
1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait... where the hell is Harry Potter?"
2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming: "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
3. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says: "The Ring."
4. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
5. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.
6. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mr. Anderson."
7. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"
8. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.
9. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep" Monty Python style.
10. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"
11. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout "RUN FOREST, RUN!"
12. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
13. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"
14. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
15. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
16. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.
17. When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for tense moment and shout, "I see dead people!"
18. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.
19. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theater during the Shelob scene.
20. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of California.
21. When Shelob comes on, exclaim, "Man! Charlotte's really let herself go!"
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Post by DocD83 on Jan 21, 2004 16:08:45 GMT -5
There was a show on last night which featured a wood chipper. Not the backyard variety, but the big kind that chips whole trees and has treads to make an M-1 tank envious. The thing is two stories tall not counting the crane and can chew through hundreds of trees a day, yet they actually said this, I swear:
"...it does not harm the forest."
Except for the hill that was clearcut, trampled with a 20 ton machine, and covered in wood chips to choke out any remaining signs of life in an appaling mockery of resource management, yeah, it's pretty environmentally friendly.
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Post by DocD83 on Jan 22, 2004 23:15:21 GMT -5
*crickets chirp* I always feel wierd posting after myself. Oh well.
My room mate mentioned something about clogged arteries, so I said:
"These damn arteries have had the run of my body for too long. Clog them I say, clog them!"
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Post by dajaymann on Jan 26, 2004 12:51:46 GMT -5
Wifey and I are watching Once Upon A Time In Mexico the other day...
One of the myriad scenes of the Mariachis (Antonio, Enrique, and the...uhhhh...drunk dude) walking dramatically down the street in slow motion appear...
And my wife yells "It's The Three Amigos!!!".
Made my day, that did.
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Post by Head Mutant on Jan 28, 2004 14:50:56 GMT -5
I wanted to make this my new signature line, but it was a bit too long. So I share it with you here:
"Most moviegoers are like people who go to a restaurant without taking their stomachs. They buy something. They taste it. They react to how it tastes. They compare it to other things they've tasted. And then, they let go of that experience, and they go on to the next plate. They never digest the film. Thus, they come away malnourished." -- Jeffrey Overstreet
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Post by Head Mutant on Feb 1, 2004 23:01:45 GMT -5
Just made up a new word. Sort of. Instead of "busy crazy" as two adjectives, just combine them into "brazy".
As in, I had a brazy day.
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Post by PoolMan on Feb 2, 2004 15:05:16 GMT -5
Ah, Justin. Always with the bra related words...
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Post by DocD83 on Feb 6, 2004 9:38:59 GMT -5
A while back there was a news report about a shoplifter who would steal CDs by burning off the security tag with a lighter and then smuggling them out in his pants.
I said, "Excuse me, but is that a record in your pants?"
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Post by PoolMan on Feb 9, 2004 13:23:58 GMT -5
Hehe... thanks for reminding me of this, J. When Justin was here in Vancouver (and busily writing notes in his MOLESKINE!!!), he wrote down a great quote between my mom...  ...and my brother.  Mom: Chris was such a pretty baby. Chris: Mom, STOP CALLING ME PRETTY!!! |
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Post by Head Mutant on Feb 10, 2004 10:00:03 GMT -5
Couple other quotes in my MOLESKINE:
Sean: We should've been writing these quotes down on the fly. If only you had your moleskineeeee!
Justin: We should've gone on the first dayyyyy!
Lady at Wal-Mart: [very loudly] HOLY S**T! LOOK AT THAT GIRL'S ASS!
Wendy: Do you like Shrinkidinks?
Guy at our church giving a sermon and making bad jokes: I've been told not everyone appreciates my sense of humor... fortunately, she's in Ohio today...
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